A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."
Two boys go into a forest and walk around. Suddenly they see a naked woman, then one of the boys run away.
The other chases after him.
The boy asked "Why did u run away?"
The other said "My mom told me if i saw a naked woman i'd turn to stone, i already felt something getting getting hard."
A man gets the words 'I love you' tattoed to his p**is.
He goes home and shows his wife.
His wife says, "Don't try to put words into my mouth!"
Girl Cop: "You have to right to remain silent. Anything you say or do will be used against you."
Bet your female friend that she can't use both of her elbows to touch her belly button.
Thank me later.
Boy: What's it called when 3 people have sex?
Girl: A threesome
Boy: What's it called when two people have sex?
Girl: A twosome
Boy: Now you know why they call me handsome
Monica is at the dentist. Half of her mouth is locked due to anesthesia, the dentist is intensively working. Monica's mobile phone starts ringing.
Ignoring it four times, the dentist finally answers the phone pissed: What’s up? What’s up, - some man asks.
Dentist: Who are you?
I’m Monica’s husband
Dentist: Listen, man, I’m about to finish, she will spit it out and will call you back!!!
An apple, a banana and a p**is got into an argument one day.
The apple says sadly "I have the worst life ever.
People take one bite of me and throw me on the ground."
The banana says "You think thats bad? People take off my clothes, eat my insides and leave my clothes on the floor."
The p**is laughs. "You guys have it easy. You try having people sticking you in dark, wet caves, putting bags over your head, messaging you for hours and making you do push-ups until you throw up!"
Posted for laughs without any intention to offend or annoy.