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It is just past midnight now. I should be asleep but I cannot because so many things are going through my mind. It has been such a tough day and I know that falling asleep will even be tougher.
Some of you might know that I have been having problems with my feedburner and I know for sure that my phone bill will sky rocket because I called so many people to seek their expert guidance and opinion and assistance. I am deeply touched that my first blogger buddy, Walksi of myAsylum has never let me down and has always injected his calm unwavering sense of serenity into my soul to lower my pressure, a few other friends and in particular Vin whom I do not know but responded a few times to my emails.
I find that lately, in particular the last three months, I have become more and more skeptical about life, friends and people in general. I cannot believe what a terrible day it has been today and I honestly pray that tomorrow will be a better day. It is genuine friends who make me have hope in life and in mankind while others destroy every pillar of hope or friendship that I built or tried to build in the past.
It may not be true for you but for me, I find genuine friends really really rare, hard to find and at this point of time, I am thankful for those who have shown that indeed they are real by the words they have said to me, the kindness shown to me, the comments they have left here and I cannot begin to tell you all how those comments blog readers have left in my blog mean the world to me.
Even though I have never met many of these blog readers such as Angela, Antares, Uncle John, Tony, CK Saw, Dr. Saravanan, Tiger, brother James, Yeng Keen, Chahya, Datin Mamasita, Kak Ezza and many others (including you who are reading this post now), I am touched that despite your busy schedules, you all take the time to read my musings and postings. In a world that is so artificial and plastic, where many try to pretend to be who they are not, where lies mask their true feelings or when anger reveals their real selves, I am glad that at a point of time in my life when I have almost lost faith in the word friendship, I made these friends through blogging and they have shown me that yes, there are still real people in these world while the others around turn out to be as hollow as bamboo..
Thanks a lot, dear blog readers, blogger buddies and friends...
It is very difficult for me to say what I feel in my heart. But I am saying it now because I know this will not be visible to many people and yet I have to unload it.
Why are people so cruel?
Why are people so fake, selfish and proud?
Why is it so difficult for some to say 'sorry' or to receive acts of love and kindness?
Why do people try to be what they are not, who they are not and really hide behind masks or facades etc?
Why are some people so nice and call themselves friends one day and then out of the blue disappear into thin air as thought they were some phantom from outer space?
Why do some love to be nurtured but never want to nurture others when they are in need?
Why are some who lack nurturing and want to be nurtured do not want any nurturing from people who care for them?
Most of all, why do some like to hurt others? Ah - the questions are unending.
I notice that these days, one may do a lot of good deeds/favors to another and all that will be forgotten in the twinkling of an eye if his/her selfish need is not met. This evening a lady whom I have known for 8 years scolded me for something that her daughter did not do. And that hurt so bad. Real bad, especially since I put in 8 years of my life enriching the lives of her kids.
The past eight months alone I have seen how rich and wealthy people throw their weight around me and I am truly sick and tired of all this show. I don't care how much money they have or who they know. Material wealth does not matter to me at all. It is by my choice that I choose to live a life of simplicity and not to chase after wealth or materialism. I can live without many material stuff (except laptop) but cannot live with hypocrisy or insincerity.
Why can't people just be real, just be a bit kinder and be honest and sincere in their dealings with others?
Frankly, between people whom I know in the real world and my regular blog readers and blogger buddies, I can safely say that those in cyberspace are kinder and more real. I know who they are from the words they write in their blogs, in their emails to me, in the comments they leave in my blog and all are consistent.
I am tired. I am so so so tired of being kind, being helpful and being accommodating. I cannot believe how I have changed and am ever so super ultra mega cautious until I am so disillusioned about human relations.
Sigh.
I am at the point of time where I have made choices and decisions which are for my own good. Life is difficult and there comes a time when we have to take stock of our lives and to move on...and once again, I am moving on.
It takes hiccups for us to stop short and to take a hard look at life, at ourselves, at people and to realize many things which we may choose not to see...
But now I do...and I have redefined boundaries...and I am really moving on. I will not waste my time on people who don't appreciate me or those who are not sincere with me. I will not sweat over this because it is not my loss but theirs. And as I move on, I thank God for those of you who have stuck with me through thick and thin...and who have been reading my blog and especially those of you who have been sharing your comments with me. I have never tried to be someone that I am not. But it is very difficult to be real or to be myself in this very cruel world.
Sigh....such are the complexities of life....
6 comments to FROM MY PERSPECTIVE
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Unknown Hi lovely YT,
Sure. It is fine with me. Thanks for letting me know...Take care and see you soon.
Cheers
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uncle james Dearest MWS,
Did anyone tell you that cynicism comes with "old" age, pardon me.
For myself, i temper my cynicism by using the "One out of Hundred" rule.
If just ONE person ever said "thank you, dearest uncle ", i will forgive the 99 people who did not.
Positive cynicism, eh?
Please don't give up on humankind yet.
Cheers !!
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Unknown My dear brother James,
Indeed, I agree with you. Not only does it make one cynical, but also skeptical and sardonic.
Thanks for sharing the "One out of Hundred" rule..:-)
I used to be very optimistic until reality hit me many times and I find that it is scary to see how people change, especially those whom I have known for ages etc.
A lot of it has to do with the structure of society and the way it has become more materialistic.
I have not given up on people, especially real ones like you..
Thanks for always injecting positivism into my life. It hurts very bad when I have given my very best to some people for EIGHT years and then she strikes back for sth which is not my fault.
Such is life ...
Take care and God bless you.
Cheers!
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Tiger Hi MWS,
There will always be people like that. Read my post on trusting people, even if they come back at you in a negative way.
http://bkho.blogspot.com/2009/04/trust-and-everything-else.html
People who do not appreciate you or what you do, is not worth a second of your time.
Just move on (not easy, but it takes a while).
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Unknown Exactly, Tiger. I feel the same way.
I am moving on...ironically, the more knocks I get, the easier it is to move on although the first few times were pretty tough.
At the same time, I cannot deny that such insincere and shallow people have made me most skeptical of many...
But as always, I thank God for the friends I have made through blogging, including you.
Thanks for your encouragement...
We all have our hurdles to cross..
Take care and God bless you and yours in every area of your lives.
YT Hey dear, our gathering will be postponed to a day later, meaning June 7 (Sunday), same time same place. Okay with u?