In case you need a laugh : Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one.
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "Gripe Sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The Mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then Pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some "reported" maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by Maintenance Engineers:
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
17 comments to JUST FOR LAUGHS ON A THURSDAY
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Unknown Dear Uncle John
Thanks for sharing your great experiences...I guess we are all shaped by the things that happen to us, be it humorous or tragic events :-).
Take care and have a great week too.
hugs
paula
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Red Alfa Thank you for giving the cause for laughs to my lunchtime. Perhaps I would try applying some of the very funny quips to respond to someone here always saying "apa-namas", whatchamacallits, etc. I suppose it must be delivered with the "muka-sardine". That I could not as I would probably laugh even before I start.
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mamasita Hahaha..sakit perut ketawa especially the midget joke.
Ok true story at a pasar malam in Kuantan.
A friend wanted to buy a Jet Li VCD..and you know what the guy gave her..cerita Tom and Jerry!
Jet Li? Dapat Tom and Jerry? Telinga that fellow betul2 tersumbat!
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Unknown My dear blog readers,
I have been VERY DEPRESSED lately. Those of you who are regular visitors to my blog will know that sth is wrong with me because I normally post at least four times a day.
And I have been surfing the net for jokes to make myself laugh and to bring cheer to cyberspace because of the prevailing gloomy mood in this country...
In fact,I almost gave up hope for blogging because I thought no one would want to visit my blog anymore.
Imagine my joy and tears when suddenly, I saw all the comments from Red Alfa, CS, Mamasita, Andrea and also Chahya in another post...
My dear friends, thanks for making my day and for giving me the impetus to continue blogging and to be INSANE with more jokes!!!
thanks a lot and cheers to you all.
Sincerely,
mws
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Unknown Dear Red Alfa
Thanks so much for visiting my blog and for leaving your comment which made me laugh out loudly!!! You have a great sense of humor and it is lovely to meet you. Do come again and have a lovely evening.
Cheers!
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Unknown Hi CS
It has been ages and ages since you left a comment in my blog and I am so so so happy that I made you laugh! And you know what? You made me very happy too on this depressing day.
Take care and have a lovely evening.
Cheers!
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Unknown Hi Datin Mamasita
I must really meet you in person one day cos you have a good sense of humor and I am sure we will be laughing away happily.
That Jet Li story is really funny...must share with my son and he will be giggling away too.
Take care and salam to you and your family.
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Unknown Hehe Andrea,
You know, I can imagine what sort of witty remarks you would make - and funnier than the ones in the post!
Take care, sweet Andrea.
Have a lovely evening and remember these when flying LOL!
Cheers!
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Anonymous Haiyo, please lah... a day without visiting your blog is -- to me -- an incomplete day. Unfortunately, sometimes when I am travelling, I can't drop a comment 'coz I read you via google reader on my blackberry which for -- OFFICE FIREWALL punya pasal -- doesn't allow me to post comments.
But this coming week, hah.. be prepared to be bombarded. Hee hee. Am "stranded" at home coz "someone" has chicken pox!!
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Unknown Hi again my dear Andrea
Thanks for a very sincere and moving comment that really touched my heart.
*sniffles* Appreciate it very much.
So sorry about the sudden 'growth spurt' syndrome of the dermatological kind....Get well soon!
Hugs
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Anonymous Not me la, Paula. It's my other half. And at his age, too! As usual, highly bloggable stuff. So if you want to have a good laugh at his expense, tottle over to my blog.
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Unknown Hi dear Andrea,
You are such a bundle of energetic power! Yup - will swing over and check it out soon.
Btw, I had chicken pox when I was expecting! Quite an unnerving experience during my second trimester.
Hope he gets well soon.
Cheers!
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CS Foong Hey Paula,
I may not leave comments all the time but I visit your blog almost everyday.
Like I said before, your posts are often refreshing and inspiring compared to those political blogs which have been really depressing of late.
Keep it up, ya?
Take care & lotsa hugs...
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Unknown Hi CS
Thanks a lot for visiting my blog since way before ...
I really appreciate your friendship, support and witty comments ;-).
I feel the same way like you do and am trying to remain positive even during such tough times.
Cliched as it may sound, laughter is the best medicine.
Have a lovely weekend, C.S.!
Take care and hugs to you too.
jonno1951 Paula
I think I told you that I spent a spell with the military (Air Force) as a Maintenance Officer straight after Uni.
Pilot wrote this in the maintenance log after a training flight and the maintenance engineer's reply
P: Cockpit not fit for pigs
ME: Cockpit now fit for pigs
Unfortunately for all of us, the CO took the plane for next flight and did we all cop it from him and I was the innocent party. As they say, "responsibilities come with Rank".
In our squadron (a training school) the instructor pilots always give us a hard regarding not enough planes available for their training flights as most of the planes were either due for scheduled maintenance or waiting for parts.
The Chief Instructor chastised me once for not having enough planes and said:
"You engineers are useless. You never have enough spare parts to give us the planes to fly in."
My reply:
"I am sorry Sir, but your plane is nothing but my spare parts flying in very tight formation. If we are useless, the spare parts might decide not to fly in formation. We wouldn't want that, would we , SIR?"
Have a great week.
hugs
john