Is it easy for you to trust people, especially your spouse of loved ones? Many do not realize that trust is absolutely vital in a stable relationship but a sane, normal person would wonder as to how much should one trust another and when this trust should be withdrawn. Sometimes, we could be at a disadvantage because of bad experiences in the past that have influenced the way you trust others.
I am certain that you may agree with me that there are many, regardless of their gender, age or color, out there who have roving eyes and many who have roving bodies, you need to realize that every man is not a stinker. Each of us will have to fight our individual battles to get over our hurt and be open to new love. We cannot punish a new guy for the actions of a past guy. Instead, we need to keep an open mind and have the heart to allow a relationship time to develop and grow. Based on knowledge and the experiences we share with out new love, mutual trust will grow .
I believe that after a bad experience, what we need to do is to start expressing ourselves little by little. Gradually, we will be able to feel comfortable with our spouse and begin share secrets from our past or begin sharing your true feelings. Cliched as it may sound, honesty is still the best policy. With that, we can enjoy and savor true intimacy and build a real lasting relationship where both can trust each other.
I have to admit this - many women are prone to play mind games. If we want a long term trusting relationship, we have to stop playing games and to build trust instead of exacerbating matters. A relationship is not a game - it is the union of two personalities who love each other.
In the event that we don’t understand some things, or something rubs us the wrong way, we cannot just stop trusting someone on that basis. For me, I am far too analytical and inquisitive for my own good and tend to read all kinds of things into everything my spouse says and does or didn't do. As always, he laughs at my 'fertile' imagination. If there is a problem - wait. Never react emotionally, wait and sleep on it and look at it logically the next day. By then, we would have cooled down and would be more rational,logical and reasonable.
When we are in a calmer state of mind, we won’t overreact about nothing, or pressure our spouse for an explanation, because that might belittle him and then he could easily pull away. Women have to learn to deal with problems realistically and logically - not emotionally. Conversely, men do think and can behave in ways that make no sense to women, and believe me, we make no sense to them either!!! Do I hear a resounding 'yeah' from you? Such is the beauty of diversity!
With time and effort, trust grows as the relationship grows.
Think about your past relationships and the things that went wrong in those relationships - learn from them and identify what attracted you to these characters in the first place to ensure that we do not repeat mistakes. Also don’t waste your precious time thinking about the guy that got away and be blind to the one standing before you or coming up in your life in your future just because you could not let go of the past.
When we are in a long term relationship, we need to realize that being with someone who can be angry with us without trying to hurt us not only gives us a feeling of security, but also one of acceptance and respect. Just knowing that there are certain lines that won’t be crossed builds trust and you will find you can find a resolution to it.So can you trust him/her again? The answer is in your heart because it is all up to us.
God bless you and have a good evening!
7 comments to CAN YOU TRUST HIM/HER AGAIN?
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walla Trust. Trust as an emotion in an xx-xy chromosomal setting is more than trust in a business setting.
In the latter, there is both verbal and documented contractual commitments which delimit actions that will break the working trust and trigger arbitration.
In the former, there is perhaps something else, since having a marriage contract would cheapen the very notion of what spousal love should be.
Maybe it comes back to memory. She (or he) is presumably the first and only person who has said that sweetest but shortest word of them all. Yes.
A marriage is not just about commitment or ceremony or children or enrichment or status.
It is about the most unique, bi-personal and continuous experience in all of life.
All the roses and chocolates in the world cannot hold a candle to a couple whose hairs have grown white in equal measure but whose eyes in diminishing capacity can yet still see each other as clearly now as it was for them so many decades ago.
And since the two lives are shared as one, the pain he has every day is the pain she carries inside her too without his prompting. Vice versa.
If a man realizes this as frequently as he remembers that moment when she had said yes, then he should make it his daily mission in life to lessen the load she will carry in her heart which is caused by her losing her trust in him.
For it is not any ordinary load. It is the load that sits right at the very point which determines her entire being.
And that can only be so because she sees him as the only fulcrum in her life, the only new, encrypted, most special, password-protected, non-hackable, multipurpose identity card.
The reason, color, song, frame, soaring spirit, and all of her existence in society.
He is her only safe harbor in a world of tsunamic waves.
When she looks at herself in the mirror, she doesn't see that freckly, giggly girl with the ponytail. She sees only one hot momma complemented by only one presumably balding man in this world of many hunks.
For most women, marriage is the only institution that they will identify with. Other than the SPCA.
Which leaves one question which i cannot answer (since no man has really loved me)....
does he feel differently if she has to work too?
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jonno1951 walla
All I can say is "WOW". You surely underestimate yourself with your opening sentence. My compliments to both your intelligence and beauty.
My wife will kill me but where have you been all my life? Just joking. HAHAHAHA.
Paula
Good post.
John
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Unknown Dear Uncle John
Isn't life unfair??? Walla has both brains and beauty!!!
For a small little fee, I will not tell Auntie Noelene what you said LOL!!!
Just kidding. Take care and God bless you.
cheers
Paula
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Unknown Dear Walla
I am squeezing my brains dry in my effort to respond to your superb comment.
I hereby rename you WOWLA instead of Walla and I believe it is sheer modesty that you started your unforgettable comment with your opening sentence.
To be honest, I do not think men men need to be taught how to take work pressure without succumbing to the need to go out and relieve it by sowing some oats. It is a matter of perspective, commitment, will and love..
Your perspective of marriage is indeed beautiful and I am sure that one day, you will finally enjoy marital bliss...
I am sure there are many men who would love one is beautiful and intelligent as you if only you would allow them into your heart and life ...:-)
Yet, in some ways, I differ from your views...I believe it is not safe for a woman to fully depend on her man in that she has to learn resilience and responsibility in tackling challenges in life on her own ground. This can ensure that in the event that she is widowed, life will still go on and that she will have the strength to cope...
And I am sure many women, myself included would be ever ready to identify with institutions apart from marriage or SPCA..With due respect, I feel that it would be those who have a very narrow view of life who would concentrate on only one or two institutions because this would deprive herself from the horizon of experiences awaiting her...
WOWLA, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for these thought-provoking comments and hope that you will continue to impart your wisdom and ideas here.
With much appreciation,
mws
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jonno1951 Paula
OK, I know your weakness so it is chocolates you want. :)
If I bring chocolates and Baileys, will you give me her contact? Joking. Hahahahahaha
Hugs
John
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Unknown Dear Uncle John,
She's hot, isn't she? LOL I would chase her if I were a man!!!
I think a person with such intellect and beauty is rare so the price for the info for rare characters is HIGH!!!
rofl...Just joking hahahah
hugs and cheers and giggles
paula
walla I am not very bright so i may get this wrong too. Also it's not easy to get into the minds of men to try and rationalize their actions. For that matter, some women too!
Maybe it has to do with society. You'd hardly hear of men being asked to place as much importance on faithfulness to women as they would on their scout's honor or their company's mission statement.
If caught, they are more often than not excused as wild oats blown into the wrong fields by forces of nature with their conscience stretched by some vague and hitherto unproven anthropological belief that men are born hunters. And these days they don't just hunt buffaloes.
On the other hand, women are groomed to abide by a silent code of conduct because, apparently, they are seen to be the nucleus of the family unit, domesticated to discharge good example to their children in such matters as trust-based relationship-building.
This is easily proven. The first thoughts of women when they discover they have been cheated is to rationalize their next course of action with their children in mind first.
Perhaps all this is because the way relationships are cemented have changed.
For men, the exchange of peace-pipes inside toupees to avert the next tribal war has progressed to imbibing excessive quantities of intoxicating beverages in dark cozy karaoke lounges where it won't be just the tobacco haze and dim lights which will numb the senses to such an extent that the search for oxygen has to proceed south of the navel.
Business pressure is a term yet to be added to the lexicon of today's workplace only because it is as implicit as entertainment accounts, some of which being of such magnitudes that they have torpedoed a number of high-powered organizations in due course.
Perhaps with each decibar of pressure the resistance weakens, and the line that divides business from family gets blurred, furthermore abetted by another factor....the ease by which personal reward can be decided and claimed for all those hours and days of hard, high-pressured, work out there in that jungle just to bring back the week's spoils for the family table, furthermore without any inborn ability to share with a sympathetic ear how hard it has been to make such trifling amounts.
Nature abhors vacuums and pressure built here has been rationalized until it can be released there. Too often, boredom is also swept under the category of pressure subsection work.
In some cases, all this is because ears which should have been sympathetic were closed in order for the eyes to catch the next drama episode. It is something of a tragedy of modern day life that the very episode being shown tells the same story that is being enacted right in the same living or bed room.
So it remains to be said that there is currently no mentoring system in the world which teaches men how to take work pressure without succumbing to the need to go out and relieve it by sowing some oats in order to stave off global warming. Maybe women should get together and start such a course.
And that ends this side of the gramophone record. Flipping to the other side...