masterwordsmith-unplugged

Growing up with fairy tales can sort of distort our definition of falling and living in love. These tales never tell us how to sustain love in our lives after we fall in love. And so, we bask in the presence of our newly discovered love - wanting to spend all day and night with them, as if drugged but in reality, drugged by love and needing our daily fix, doing whatever it takes to keep the feeling alive. All because we want to live in the labyrinth of love....

Initially, we may love every little thing about them. We may even be out of control in the way we do not moderate the time we want to spend with them. In the process, we may overlook activities, hobbies, family and friends as our new found love consumes every part of our being.

Reality check!

With the passing of time, we become wiser and begin to see each other's true character - strong points and flaws. Hitherto, the first fights begin even when still savoring the connection which seemed so right at the beginning. The truth is, the honeymoon is wearing off and living together in love is not always that sensational and wondrous but is incredibly challenging to navigate in an emotionally safe way, especially if we are plagued with self-doubt and undefined realities about the relationship.

Firstly let’s look at that initial seeming addiction to one another. One can be so consumed that other important people may be left out in their lives. One needs to slow down the physical intimacy enough for the emotional intimacy to catch up. Our emotions need trust, familiarity, consistency, respect and a proven track record to become authentic and relaxed. That requires some time. Rushing into the physical and sensual realms too quickly can result in emotionally rough waters. Just like in swimming. Stick your toe in first to test the water and then only move slowly into it as you become more and more comfortable with the state of water. This will ensure that we are not pulled into the whirlpool of foolish passion.

Next, good and healthy boundaries must be clearly defined in new relationships Sadly, most people are clueless about good boundaries and if ruled by impulsiveness, may end up with poor boundaries. Ultimately, we need to care well for the self and the soul and not to reveal too much of ourselves all at once. The speed should be slow with regular checks for compatibility and a sense of safety.

Beyond the honeymoon phase, we must be aware of not being caught up with the desire to please. Giving accurate and honest replies reduces the chance of building resentment walls that are sure to create emotional scar tissue in the relationship. Also, personalize your self care. It is up to us to find out what we need and desire, and then take personal responsibility for it because happiness depends on ourselves and not others.

At a certain point in time, we have to check within ourselves to see if you are falling for the person just because they are reaching out to you. Stop!! We cannot yearn for the person a bid to avert loneliness or for validation. I believe we have to be true to ourselves even if it means risking letting someone go. See - it is not so easy to fall in love and to live in love but the whole experience of waiting for the right person to fall in love with is so rewarding and definitely worth staying the course of commitment to self. Similarities can draw one to another and we can find the right one who resonates with our inner being.


As the relationship evolves, to really live in love, we must pay attention to what the other person is doing versus saying. It is so vital to believe people when they show us who they are. Don’t slip into a blissful denial of what is really going on. Words are really not to be trusted in a new relationship. It’s all about the actions and not about falling in love with someone’s potential. Pay attention to what you are seeing in the here and now.

To truly live happily in the labyrinth of love, we have to make an effort to stay true to our own core values despite what someone else may want; otherwise, feelings of self betrayal may ensue. Compromise is needed in many areas as the relationship becomes more serious but it is so crucial to be the person you truly are versus who you would like to present especially at the beginning.

Finally, to succeed, we cannot bring old patterns of behaviour into the new relationship. We have to realize that emotional projections and baggage from past hurts or past failed relationships can completely sabotage the future of a new and emerging connection and must be left behind. The reality is that as we live in love, we grow the most through relationships. As we take risks with new ones, do so with eyes wide open. Lessons will be learned no matter what, but as we journey through the labyrinth of love, let's do so with a bottomless heart of love that can truly love and give...