masterwordsmith-unplugged

It is Monday and some of you have to be at work after a relaxing weekend. Here's a selection of jokes to jumpstart your Monday and bring many smiles to your face. Many thanks to Angela for sending these to me. Have a great day and a fruitful week!

The next post on THE POLITICS OF LIES should be up by 2p.m. Please swing by again. My apologies for the delay.

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The Hi-Tech Man

Three men were sitting in the sauna naked.

Suddenly there was a beeping sound. Mr. A pressed his forearm and the beeping stopped. The others looked at him questioningly.

"That's my pager," he said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later a phone rang. Mr. B lifted his palm to his ear.

When he finished he explained, "That's my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand. "

Mr. C felt low-tech and inferior. He didn't know what to do to be as impressive as Mr. A and Mr. B.

He decided to take a break in the toilet. When he returned, he didn't realize that there was a piece of toilet paper got stuck and hanging from his backside.

The others raised their eyebrows and said, "Wow! What's that?"

Instead of being embarrassed, inspiration struck his mind.

*..*

*...*

*..*

*…*

*….*

*….*

*…..*

*…..*

*…….*

*…….*

Mr.C explained, "I'm receiving a FAX."

The other two fainted.!!!!

No insults intended to anyone. This is just to humor you.
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The old priest lay dying in the hospital....

For years He had faithfully served the people of the nation's capital. He motioned for his nurse to come near.

"Yes, Father?" said the nurse.

"I would really like to see K**** and S*** V*** before I die", whispered the priest.

"I'll see what I can do, Father" replied the nurse.

The nurse sent the request to them and waited for a response. Soon the word arrived. Khairy and Samy would be delighted to visit the priest.

As they went to the hospital, K**** commented to S*** "I don't know why the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images."

Samy couldn't help but agree.

When they arrived at the priest's room, the priest took S***'s hand in his right hand and K****'s hand in his left. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest's face.

Finally S*** spoke. "Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?"

The old priest slowly replied "I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior."

The old priest continued..."He died between two lying thieves. I would like to do the same."

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Divine Intervention

Father Norton wakes up to a beautiful and sunny Sunday morning and decides he just has to play golf. He pretends he’s sick and convinces the associate pastor to say Mass for him that day, then heads out of town to a golf course about 40 miles away so he won’t run into anyone from his parish. On the first tee, he sees that he has the entire course to himself—everyone else is in church!

Watching all this from the heavens, Saint Peter leans over to the Lord and asks, "Are you going to let him get away with this?"

Just then Father Norton hits the ball and it heads straight for the pin, dropping just short of it, rolls up and falls into the hole-a 420 yard hole in one!

Astonished, St. Peter looks at the Lord and asks, "Why in Heaven did you let him do that?"

The Lord smiles and replies, "Who’s he going to tell?"

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A guy and his wife are out golfing one day when they come up to the hardest hole on the course; it goes way downhill and you can’t quite see where your drive goes. So they tee off and walk down the hill and, lo and behold, this guy’s ball is right in front of a big barn.

The couple looks it over, and the wife says, “You know, if we open both barn doors, you will have a clear shot to the green.”

The guy agrees, and they open both of the doors. He hits his ball and it makes it through the first set of doors but hits the far wall and comes ricocheting back—hitting his wife in the head and killing her.

A few months pass and he is out golfing again with his buddies. They come up to the same hole and, wouldn’t you know it, the guy’s ball is right behind the barn again. One of his golf buddies says, “You know, if we open both barn doors you will have a clear shot to the green.”

The guy replies, “Nah, last time I tried that I got a 7.”

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Have a nice day!