masterwordsmith-unplugged

Are you in a Christmas mood yet? I am. Older now, I have outgrown the trappings of Christmas and am just too lazy to even put up my tree. This year, I will be turning a year older at Christmas :-( but am happy to say I am still in my forties haha so I am old but not that old yet :-). Many thanks to blog readers from Australia and UK who sent me Christmas presents via air-mail and also other friends in Penang who have sent me pressies as well. I entertained myself by imagining that the postmen were garbed in Santa Claus gear and the van was actually a sleigh pulled by lovely reindeer while I came out of my home nestled in my warm winter clothing :-). Anyway, to get us into the Christmas mood, read this letter from a Barbie babe to Santa Claus. Have a great evening and merry Christmas!

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Barbie
c/o Mattel, Inc.
El Segundo, CA 90245

22nd December 2009

Mr.Santa Claus
The North Pole, Somewhere

Dear Mr Santa Claus,

Listen you ugly little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME! There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm going to call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won't want to be around to smell it). So, here's my holiday wish list for 2009:


Santa:

1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker.
How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels
like to have nylon and velcro crawling up your butt?

2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to
cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like cellulite!

3. A REAL man...maybe GI Joe. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me Elmo over that wimped-out excuse for a boytoy Ken. And what's with that earring anyway? If I'm gonna have to suffer with him, at least make him (and me) anatomically correct.

4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct.

5. Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have to twist, get it done.

6. A jogbra. To wear until I get the surgery.

7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut it. How about a systems analyst? Or better yet,
a public relations senior account exec!

8. A new, more 90s persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie", complete with a miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips; "Animal Rights Barbie", with my very own paint gun,
outfitted with a fake fur coat, bottle of spray on blood and handcuffs; or "Stop Smoking Barbie," sporting a removable Nicotrol patch and equipped with several packs of gum.

9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl.

10. Mattel stock options. It's been 37 years--I think I deserve it.

Ok, Santa, that's it. Considering my valuable contribution to society, I don't think these requests are out of line.
If you disagree, then you can find yourself a new bitch for next Christmas.

It's that simple.



Yours truly with love and affection,
Barbie

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Please swing by tomorrow at 11.45a.m. to check Santa's response to this letter from Barbie babe.