Have you ever had something taken away from you only to realize how much you appreciated it after it was gone? I have. My father.
Dad passed away almost 18 months ago and as the days pass by, I still think of him. I can almost smell his scent and his hair cream and having just celebrated my mother-in-law's birthday has made me think of dad again. And made me think of life and death.
More importantly, I know that coping with loss of a loved one is something that has always been an issue with me. Tomorrow is the official day for Qing Ming and I will be going to offer flowers to my parents at the colombarium alone because hubby and son are going to Amy's funeral because I find it very difficult to attend funerals since dad died. I hope I will be ok at the colombarium and after that it will be to the hospital where my uncle is recovering from another heart attack.
Most of us have taken someone or something for granted. We only truly realize how much that person or situation meant to us after they are gone and by then, it is far, far, far too late
Looking back, I only have one regret. That I did not love dad enough and did not spend enough time with him. I was so busy with work and my own family that he took second place in my life.
It is difficult to write about this without having a lump in my throat. Know what I mean? Now looking back, there are many things I realize …
We often waste way too much of our time and energy focusing on what we don’t like, what we’re worried about, or what we think needs to be fixed, changed, or enhanced. We live in a culture obsessed with “bad stuff.” Just turn on the news, listen to the conversations and negative attitudes of the people around you, or pay attention to the thoughts in your own head.
Presently, I have started paying attention to what and whom I love and appreciate.
Imagine how this simple but profound shift could transform our lives, our families, our relationships, our results, our work groups, our communities, and more. Our experience is a function of what we focus on. Each and every moment, we have a choice about where we place our attention.
I am not advocating that we deny, avoid, or run from the challenges, issues, or even the pain in our lives or around us. It’s important that we’re able to confront, face, and deal with these difficulties. However, we don’t have to obsess about the bad stuff and let it run us. We each can consciously choose to focus on the good stuff in our lives, with others, and most importantly towards ourselves.
I know for sure that there are great things happening in our lives and around us all the time — if we choose to look for them.
Losing dad has been a life transforming experience because now, I live a life filled with appreciation.
1) I have learnt to be grateful - I focus on the many blessings in my life and all that I have to be thankful for.
2) Instead of being negative and moody, now I focus on positive thoughts and feelings into ones that empower me.
3) I try to use positive words - I pay attention to the words I use with others, about things, and in speaking about myself. I try to speak with the most positive words possible. Our words have the power to create, not just describe.
4) I try to acknowledge others - We can focus on what we appreciate about the people around us and let them know. Be genuine and let others know the positive impact they have on us and our lives.
5) Now, I make an effort to appreciate myself - Having lost my mom when I was 11 years old, it was kind of tough to love myself as a teen when I felt so lost without her. Thankfully, I coped and now, even when others hammer me or insult me, I do not let it get to me but I move on to celebrate who I am, what I do, and the many gifts and talents I have.
To me, self-appreciation is not arrogance; it’s an awareness of my own power and the key to self-confidence, success, and fulfillment.
When we truly focus on this good stuff, our world transforms and we are able to see and experience the GREAT FULLNESS of our lives.
We don’t have to wait until everything is handled.
We don’t have to wait until we get it all perfect.
And, we don’t have to wait for people to do things exactly as we want them to.
We can start appreciating life, others, and ourselves exactly as we are, right now.
Don’t wait ’til it’s too late! Let’s live life and appreciate it and appreciate others!
And you know what? I truly appreciate that you are reading this post of mine, that you have taken the time to visit my blog. I do not know who you are but I pray that God will bless you and that somehow, somewhere within my blog, you can find something that speaks to your heart, soul or spirit.
Thanks again...Take care and do leave a comment if you like.
Tonight, we celebrated my mother-in-law's 78th birthday. My sis-in-law and niece came up from KL and the rest of us arrived on time at Starview Restaurant at New World Park this evening despite the heavy downpour.
As usual, my boy was camera shy....especially with his new GI cut - not my fault. Last week, his dad took him for a hair-cut after my darling Xuan told him that his hair was like overgrown grass!!! After her lesson, Nick promptly asked his dad to take him to another barber. Hubby sat and waited for Nick and happily read his newspapers (don't men love to do that?????) while the barber asked him if he wanted a crew cut in Hokkien. Sadly, Nick does not understand Hokkien and kept quiet so the barber happily mowed his head. Today, Xuan called Nick 'botak head' so I had to tell her that if she kept calling him names other than the one I gave him, it meant that she loves him :-). Of course they worked together quietly after that :-).
This is my mother-in-law who turned 78 today. Meticulous, conscientious and very purpose-driven, this lady will not stop doing any housework even though she has serious osteoporosis. We have invited her many times to live with us but she does not like the layout of our split-level home as she finds it difficult to cope with the many flights of stairs. Now this is my brood of nephews and nieces plus other in-laws...
The birthday girl looking quite happy...
I cannot help but realize that as we grow older, we cannot eat as much as we used to. We had to cancel two orders and could hardly finish a lot of the food. All in all, one thing is for sure - the food used to be better at that restaurant. Nonetheless, it was a good time to meet up again with my relatives and to be thankful that God has blessed mom-in-law with good health and much joy and happiness.
The best part of the dinner was definitely the Californian wine which my other sister-in-law from San Diego brought for the family when she came out before the Chinese New Year and of course, yours truly being a connoisseur of wine had many glasses :-)...so in the mean time, it is a loud Yam Seng to momsy for being a wonderful mother - without whom, I would not have hubby who is such a patient and wise father and husband. May God bless momsy with good health and many more years of loving, living and caring...
Everyone around me is cranky~ HELP!
It is understandable that you may feel that everyone is cranky around you. The person in the car next to you cut you off. The school called to tell you your child got in a fight. Your 3 year old is throwing things at you while you are being nice enough to cook them dinner! And to top it off, your husband has just called to tell you he is going to be late because of a new project and by the tone of his voice it sounds like he thinks you had something to do with it. Can't you just get a break? Yes you can, here are a few tips on getting the attitudes to change around you.
First, attitudes are contagious. If you are ever in a room full of people and everyone is smiling you will start to feel like smiling. Same is true about a bad attitude. If you are in a meeting and the boss is angry, you will start to sense the emotion and may get angry yourself. The reason for this is energy. People are naturally receptive to energy. You can feel when someone is happy, sad, or angry just by the energy they are sending out of their bodies. Now this article is about attitudes not energy so let's focus on the attitude part of the energy.
Understanding what is behind the attitude~ Attitudes are based on one's emotions, what they are feeling at any given moment. This is ok for people who have "control" over their emotions but isn't so great with a 3 year old or a teenager who is just living in the moment. Children are very emotional creatures. They are supposed to be. Both toddlers and teenagers are going through a period of time in their lives when they need to explore being an individual. It is a natural stage of life. This stage of life can be very confusing so bear in mind the attitudes will absolutely fluctuate! Some of the feelings they might be experiencing are fear, excitement, awkwardness, frustrated, or tired.
When you are dealing with the attitudes of a loved one or a co-worker, the same understanding is a must. What are they going through at that time in their life? Did they just have a baby? Did their child wreck their car? Are sales low and they are worried about their numbers for the month? If you can understand where they are you will be able to have some patience with them. Understanding will help them relax because it is the energy you are releasing. The trick here is not get sucked in to what they are feeling. Remember, attitudes are contagious.
Next, you must be willing to take responsibility for the situation. WHAT! Yes, you must take responsibility for the situation. You may be saying, "I don't have any responsibility for my 16 year old daughter mouthing off to me!" Yes and no, you can't take responsibility for her mouthing off but step back for a minute. Have you been understanding with her prior to the event? What was your tone with her? Did you order her to do something instead of asking her? Have you spent time with her having fun or just talking about what is going on with her friends? Or let's take a husband calling and having an attitude with you about working late. Let's look at how you have handled previous calls like that. Have you given a disappointing sign or even raised your voice because, darn it you have been with the kids all day and you really needed a break? Really look at your part of the situation before blaming someone. Usually someone's attitude is a reaction to something done prior to the event you are experiencing at that particular moment. If you are familiar with what might have "caused" the attitude, you will become aware of a better way to approach the situation in the future.
This leads to the final area, how you can change the attitude! It is true you can change someone's attitude. How to do this is by changing your attitude! Let's face it, you are tired, scared, frustrated, and all the feeling they are having too. It is understandable that you have emotions and you are entitled to those. It is how you are handling them that will make the difference.
Let's say you have a 6 month old. You have been up at least 4 times last night because of crying and feeding needs. Your husband jumps out of bed and is smiling like he had the best rest of his life. How can that be? You are exhausted, and rightfully so. How you handle your attitude in the next few minutes will guide the day into being a good one or a bad one. If you get angry and sarcastic saying, "glad you got some sleep" in a deadly tone. You better believe you will get a similar response back. If you say instead, "wow, you look amazing and rested". I bet you get a completely different response. Maybe even one of sympathy or concern. Doesn't that feel better than a sarcastic banter you may have gotten into?
The point is, you have control over your behaviors and that will directly impacts the attitude you get in response. Choose wisely my dear friend and know that even if you do choose to have your own bad attitude, you can change it at any given moment. You just have to make that decision!
To wrap it up, remember these steps when dealing with someone's attitude.
1. Understanding~ what emotion is behind the attitude?
2. Patience~ allow the person to move through the emotion without you connecting to the emotion yourself.
3.Take responsibility~ you are a co-creator in this experience, what are you giving to the situation?
4.Change your attitude~ give what you want to receive.
These are simple but not always easy ways to change the attitude that you are experiencing around you. It takes practice to master these. You can always put these 4 key steps on to a 3 x 5 card and carry it around as a reminder if things are really feeling negative. At least it could help you get in a better space!
Until next time~ best always!
Author's Bio
About Mary Owens International LLC
Mary Owens is your Connection Queen~ helping you proclaim your deep meaningful relationships. She believes connection is king and she wants to show you the way to this extraordinary kingdom. Mary Owens received a Master's in Social Work from the University of Denver in 1997. She is a part of the Quantum Success Coaching Academy as a Relationship Law of Attraction Coach. She helps people go from where they are in their relationships to where they want to be by using the laws of the universe. She coaches one on one with the great teacher and one of the stars of THE SECRET, Bob Proctor. She currently studies in group settings with James Ray who is also one of the stars of the movie. She has spent years studying the laws of the universe and how they play a part of our lives and relationships. For more information on her relationship coaching please visit livewithpurposeandpassion.com.
I've learned...that the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.
I've learned...that when you're in love, it shows.
I've learned...that just one person saying to me, "You've made my day!" makes my day.
I've learned...that having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
I've learned...that being kind is more important than being right.
I've learned...that you should never say no to a gift from a child.
I've learned...that I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.
I've learned...that no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
I've learned...that sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
I've learned...that simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.
I've learned...that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
I've learned...that we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.
I've learned...that money doesn't buy class.
I've learned...that it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
I've learned...that under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
I've learned...that the Lord didn't do it all in one day. What makes me think I can?
I've learned...that to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
I've learned...that when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.
I've learned...that love, not time, heals all wounds.
I've learned...that the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.
I've learned...that everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.
I've learned...that there's nothing sweeter than sleeping with your babies and feeling their breath on your cheeks.
I've learned...that no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
I've learned...that life is tough, but I'm tougher.
I've learned...that opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.
I've learned...that when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
I've learned...that I wish I could have told my Dad that I love him one more time before he passed away.
I've learned...that one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
I've learned...that a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
I've learned...that I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it.
I've learned...that when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.
I've learned...that everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.
I've learned...that it is best to give advice in only two circumstances; when it is requested and when it is a life threatening situation.
I've learned...that the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.
By Andy Rooney
This morning, I received word that an old friend, Amy, from church passed away suddenly. She was 50 years old. I used to see her at Bukit Dumbar with her husband whenever I went jogging on Sunday evenings. I still cannot get over the shock of the news, neither can my family. I put up this post in memory of Amy - for the kindness she has shown to all of us, her devotion to her family and her faithfulness to the Lord. May she rest peacefully in His arms now.....I will never forget you Amy. I will always miss your smile, your cheerfulness, the way you would always come and talk to me whenever you saw me, the help you gave me when Jon was born and all the advice you gave to me about how to take care of babies...and much more...I only wish I had hugged you the last time we met and how I wish I spent more time talking to you then...Life is short, dear readers...little things do matter....My deepest condolences to Darren and his family...
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Andy Rooney says, "As I grow in age, I value older women most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
An older woman will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.
An older woman knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 50 give a damn what you might think about her.
An older single woman usually has had her fill of "meaningful relationships" and "commitment." The last thing she needs in her life is another dopey, clingy, whiny, dependent lover!
Older women are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.
Most older women cook well. They care about cleanliness and are generous with praise, often undeserved.
An older woman has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Older women couldn't care less.
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to an older woman. They always know.
An older woman looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.
Once you get past a wrinkle or two, an older woman is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Her libido's stronger, her fear of pregnancy gone. Her experience of lovemaking is honed and reciprocal and she's lived long enough to know how to please a man in ways her daughter could never dream of. (Young men, you have something to look forward to.)
Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off you are a jerk if you are acting like one.
Yes, we praise older women for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coifed babe of 70 there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22 year old waitress.
Ladies, I apologize for all of us. That men are genetically inferior is no secret. Count your blessings that we die off at a far younger age, leaving you the best part of your lives to appreciate the exquisite woman you've become, without the distraction of some demanding old man clinging and whining his way into your serenity."
by Andy Rooney
by Myla Jensen
Consider this, one day your life will be over. You will not know the day or hour. Death does not care if you are ready or not. Death will take you when it determines it is time. All of the things you take for granted will be gone forever and never seen again.
Sunsets, the sounds of laughter, beautiful songs, and your family, do these things matter? Realize once you are gone there will be no more sunsets, no more laughter, no more moments with your family. All of the treasures you own will no longer be yours. Others will fight for those things you held most dear.
Frustrations, arguments, fights and anger will also disappear. Along with this so will your hopes, dreams, and goals. Everything that seemed significant and important will fade away.
Your position in life does not matter. Death does not care if you are rich or poor, man nor woman, death never takes this into consideration. No matter how invincible you think you are, death will always prevail.
So what is most important to you? How will you be remembered? What matters?
You come into the world with nothing, and you will leave with nothing. What matters in life are the things you have done and the impact you have had on those you have left behind.. Ask yourself, "was a person in need able to come to me and leave a better person?"
Every action you take matters, whether it is good or bad. Every action you take will affect another person. Remember to have compassion, encourage others, and care. This is what matters.
When you do anything, do it with passion. Every decision you make, do it with integrity. Have compassion and courage, for life is not always easy. Lead by example and empower others by the way you live your life. This is what matters.
Life is not about how many people you knew or how many show up to your funeral, it is about the people who will miss you when you are gone. Leave them with memories they will cherish.
Remember, live your life as though it matters.
