________________________________________________________________________
The Talking Clock
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends late one night, the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong.
"What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked. "Why, that's the talking clock" the man replied. "How does it work?" "Watch", the man said, giving it an ear-shattering pound with a hammer.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "For fuck sake, you wanker, it's 2am in the f**king morning!!"
______________________________
No Ears
A guy walks in for his interview. The interviewer asks, "What's the first thing you notice about me?"
The guy responds, "Why, You don't have any ears."
Interviewer: "Get out! Send in the next guy."
2nd guy walks in for his interview.
The interviewer asks, "Whats the first thing you notice about me?"
The guy responds, "Why, You don't have any ears."
Interviewer: "Get out! Send in the next guy."
This guy on the way out says to the 3rd guy "What ever you do, don't say anything about his not having any ears - He'll kick you right out."
3rd guy walks in for his interview.
The interviewer asks, "Whats the first thing you notice about me?"
The guy looks at the interviewer intently for a few seconds and responds, "Why, you wear contact lenses don't you."
The interviewer says, "That's impressive that you're so observant. How could you tell I wear contact lenses?"
3rd guy "Because you don't have any damn ears to hang glasses on."
_______________________________
10 Best Pick Up Lines
Did you fart, cause you blew me away.
Are your parents retarded, 'cause you sure are special
My Love for you is like diarrahia ... I can't hold it in
Do you have a library card, 'cause I'd like to sign you out.
Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I can see myself in them.
Are you a gardner, 'cos I want to put your tulips and my tulups together
You've got all the curves, and I got all the angles
I can't make a cherry pop, but I can make a bananna cream
If you and I were Squirrels, I'd store my nuts in your hole
Hey do you live on a chicken farm? 'cos you're really good at raising cocks
_______________________________________________________
Corny Pick Up Lines
There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.
Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.
That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put U and I together.
If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous.
Are you a parking ticket? 'cause you got fine-fine-fine written all over ya.
Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet.
If I said you had a great body, would you hold it against me?
Girl, you must be tired 'cause you've been running through my mind all day!
14 comments to TUESDAY HUMOR
-
Unknown Dear Anonymous @ 12.42 pm
Life is full of disappointments...it is how we handle them that will determine our character...
Take care and be strong....
God bless you..
Shalom
-
Cat-from-Sydney Phew! It's hot hot hot! O Wise Master, you should put PG rating on top! My ears are red! purrr....meow!
-
Unknown Dear Cat-in-Sydney
Oh dear - I am so sorry...Old ladies like me are getting more er...brazen haha! Just kidding...My apologies for offending you in any way...Take care and have a nice day!
Salam
-
QQ Life is full of disappointments. Yes, that is very true.
However, from the darkest night, the most beautiful morning will be born.
I truly commend your efforts to stand up and to speak up for the creation of a new, more just society.
-
Hafiz b Shukor “If you think you’ve done well, if you relax and rest on your laurels, somebody else will do even better and overtake you,” Najib said.
— Bernama
Haha, Najib. You talked sense, didn't you?
-
Unknown Dear QQ
Have you ever read Martin Scott Peck's The Road Less Travelled?
The opening line goes something like..."Life is difficult. The sooner we realize it, the easier it becomes.."
The truth of that line really made an impact on me...
Thanks for your kind and encouraging comment about my mission here...:-) I appreciate your recognition and support.
And you are also part of the mission, dear QQ.
Take care and have a lovely evening.
Blessings to you and yours
-
Unknown Dear Saudara Hafiz
:-) That is one of the rare occasions haha...
Take care and have a lovely evening.
Salam
-
A Arthur Excellent ones, MWS. Your jokes never fail to humor me. Great one liner too and it is good to use one or two sarcastically.
And perhaps the No Ears joke reminds me of our Minister Rais - as he ain't got no ears to listen to the masses. Just know how to blow hot air and blame everything on the weather.
-
Unknown Dear Arthur
Many thanks for your witty comment hehe...
Am glad you enjoyed the jokes.
Do take care and I hope your evening is filled with hope, joy, love and laughter.
Take care and thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts.
Warmest regards
-
bakarmerah "For fook's sake, you winker, it's 2am in the forking morning!!"
Oww...and woof!
We are in a frisky mood aren't we?
-
Unknown Hi Pug
Great to see you again! LOL...Ya lah - you think I am a goody-goody is it???? Haha...I am NOT! LOL.
Hope you are feeling better and on the road to recovery...
God bless you always, dear Pug.
Shalom
-
bakarmerah hi notty person,
today, by the grace of God, no pain. . .yet
was going for ultra sound scan this morning at urologist but postponed cos wife busy
so, if still no attacks, postpone again. . .
pray first
-
Unknown Dear Pug
Oh - ultra-sound? Have they done an IVP on you yet? Did they give you Voltaren jabs? I had loads of that! Eeeeew!
I had both the IVP and ultra-sound...
Try apple cider and barley. Once the size is determined, you can take diuretics...Also, there is a Chinese herb which is supposedly very effective for cleansing. But I cannot remember the name. If and when I do, I will let you know.
In the mean time, please take care...
Praying for God's healing upon you...
Shalom
Anonymous How disappointing when they said,
"I didn't know you'd been away."