masterwordsmith-unplugged

Here's another selection of jokes and one-liners to help you start the day with a smile on your face. Laugh a lot, worry very little and live life to the fullest Actually, I posted this at 6 a.m. and removed it before 10 a.m. when I discovered that my Feedburner feed is not validating. You might not get updates to my blog via Livebook or Feedburner because it appears that it is not a html issue but a Feedburner issue. Please check my blog for the latest post. If there is any reader who can advise, please help me. Thanks! I am writing the next post called "THE INDELIBLE STRATEGY" which should be up by 4pm. Please swing by to check later because it may not appear in your google reader due to the Feedburner issue. Thanks! Have a great day!


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The Talking Clock
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends late one night, the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong.

"What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked. "Why, that's the talking clock" the man replied. "How does it work?" "Watch", the man said, giving it an ear-shattering pound with a hammer.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "For fuck sake, you wanker, it's 2am in the f**king morning!!"

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No Ears

A guy walks in for his interview. The interviewer asks, "What's the first thing you notice about me?"

The guy responds, "Why, You don't have any ears."

Interviewer: "Get out! Send in the next guy."

2nd guy walks in for his interview.

The interviewer asks, "Whats the first thing you notice about me?"

The guy responds, "Why, You don't have any ears."

Interviewer: "Get out! Send in the next guy."

This guy on the way out says to the 3rd guy "What ever you do, don't say anything about his not having any ears - He'll kick you right out."

3rd guy walks in for his interview.

The interviewer asks, "Whats the first thing you notice about me?"

The guy looks at the interviewer intently for a few seconds and responds, "Why, you wear contact lenses don't you."

The interviewer says, "That's impressive that you're so observant. How could you tell I wear contact lenses?"

3rd guy "Because you don't have any damn ears to hang glasses on."

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10 Best Pick Up Lines

Did you fart, cause you blew me away.

Are your parents retarded, 'cause you sure are special

My Love for you is like diarrahia ... I can't hold it in

Do you have a library card, 'cause I'd like to sign you out.

Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I can see myself in them.

Are you a gardner, 'cos I want to put your tulips and my tulups together

You've got all the curves, and I got all the angles

I can't make a cherry pop, but I can make a bananna cream

If you and I were Squirrels, I'd store my nuts in your hole

Hey do you live on a chicken farm? 'cos you're really good at raising cocks

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Corny Pick Up Lines
There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.

Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.

That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put U and I together.

If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous.

Are you a parking ticket? 'cause you got fine-fine-fine written all over ya.

Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet.

If I said you had a great body, would you hold it against me?

Girl, you must be tired 'cause you've been running through my mind all day!