With all the absurd incidents happening around us, I thought I'd post a satirical piece to give us some comic relief lest we go bonkers with frustration. Yes, I know I can be a madcap sometimes. :-) If only such warranty cards existed - what a wonderful world it would be! Take care and laugh a lot to forget our troubles and cares! Have a nice day!
* This warranty card was posted and adapted for HUMOR and not to deride anyone.
________________________________________________________
Dear Voter,
Congratulations on the choice of your genuine Government Official. With regular maintenance your Government Official[tm] should provide you with a lifetime of sweetheart deals, insider information, preferential legislation and other fine services. Before you begin using your product, we would appreciate it if you would take the time to fill out this customer service card. This information will not be sold to any other party, and will be used solely to aid us in better fulfilling your future needs in political influence.
1. Which of our fine products did you buy?
City Council Official
Village penghulu
Senator
State Assemblyman
Member of Parliament
Cabinet Secretary - Commerce
Cabinet Secretary - Other
Other Elected Official (please specify)
Other Appointed Official (please specify)
2. How did you hear about your Government Official? Please check all that apply.
TV ad.
Magazine/newspaper ad.
Shared jail cell with.
Former law partner of.
Unindicted co-conspirator with.
Crony of
Procured for
Related to
Recommended by lobbyist.
Recommended by organized crime figure.
Frequently mentioned in conspiracy theories. (On Internet.)
Frequently mentioned in conspiracy theories. (Elsewhere.)
Spoke at fundraiser at my temple.
Solicited bribe from me.
Attempted to seduce me.
3. How do you expect to use your Government Official? (Please check all that apply.)
Obtain lucrative government contracts.
Have my prejudices turned into law.
Obtain diplomatic concessions.
Obtain trade concessions.
Have embargo lifted from own nation/ally.
Have embargo imposed on enemy/rival nation/religious infidels.
Obtain patronage job for self/spouse/mistress.
Forestall military action against self/allies.
Instigate military action against internal enemies/aggressors/targets for future conquest.
Impede criminal/civil investigation of self/associates/spouse.
Obtain pardon for self/associates/spouse.
Inflict punitive legislation on class enemies/rivals/hated ethnic groups.
Inflict punitive regulation on business competitors/environmental exploiters/capitalist pigs.
4. What factors influenced your purchase? (Please check all that apply.)
Performance of currently owned model.
Reputation.
Price.
Appearance.
Party affiliation.
Professed beliefs of Government Official[tm].
Actual beliefs of Government Official[tm].
Orders from boss/superior officer/foreign government.
Blackmail.
Celebrity endorsement.
5. Is this product intended as a replacement for a currently owned Government Official?
If you answered "yes," please indicate your reason(s) for changing models.
Excessive operating / maintenance costs.
Needs have grown beyond capacity of current model.
Defect in current model:
Dead.
Senile.
Indicted.
Convicted.
Resigned in disgrace.
Switched parties / beliefs.
Outbribed by competing interest.
Thank you for your valuable time.
Always remember: in choosing a Government Official, you have chosen the best politician that money can buy!
_________________________________________________________________
The intention of this post is to humor and not to ridicule anyone, in particular any politician (former, present or budding politicians included). My apologies if this has offended anyone. Strictly for humor and laughter only!!! Thanks and have a nice day!
14 comments to WARRANTY CARD ON ELECTED OFFICIAL - humor
-
Unknown Dear Nick
Many thanks for your compliment to my post. Very good play with words that we can see here...Take care and thanks so much for making the effort to find such delightful stuff to share here.
Have a great weekend!
Salam
-
Very Sad Indeed Malaysians have chosen some of the best politicians that money can buy (in pasar malam)during jumble sales!
More sadly, some that we have bought are currently up for resale!
-
Anonymous "Darling," the mother asked her small fry, "why are you making faces at the bulldog?"
"Well," the child defended himself, "he started it!"
-
JournoDownUnder Dear MWS,
We can easily apply this warranty thingy anywhere in the world. Don't know why the political world is full of damaged goods. Ever wondered why people still shop at stores called Reject Shop? Defies logic! Then they complain if that stapler they bought was faulty... hahaha...
-
Bolehland Well, the intention of this post is to humor and not to ridicule anyone.
If ever it does, it is truly and entirely COINCIDENTAl, hahaha!!
In this Bolehland, nothing is not COINCIDENTAL lah, haha!!!
-
Anonymous Be not too happy with Warranty Cards?
Remember : Terms and conditions apply.
-
Unknown Thanks, QQ. Hope you enjoyed it. Have a great weekend, dear QQ.
Blessings to you and yours.
-
Unknown Dear Village Boy
Amazing - you can encapsulated the crux of the problem in your tongue-in-cheek comment.
Many thanks for your wisdom and precise thinking!
Have a great weekend.
Cheers
-
Unknown Dear Anonymous @ 12.33 pm
Very true. We make a mountain out of a molehill and then have to face the consequences of our erring ways.
Take care and thanks for stopping by.
Have a great weekend!
Best wishes
-
Unknown Dear JournoDownUnder
Life is a paradox and the people we meet are even more difficult to udnerstand - in particular, politicians.
It is ironical that even when they shop at some places, they create a ruckus when things are not up to their expectations.
We have to be realistic for otherwise, we will lose our peace of mind.
Take care and have a nice weekend!
Cheers
-
Unknown Dear Bolehland
You really boleh rock LOL!! Take care and thanks for that dose of realism!
Cheers
-
Unknown Dear Anonymous @ 1.34 pm
Many thanks for that reminder. It completely slipped my mind when writing it cos I always overlook the T and C to my detriment when things don't work out!
Take care and have a great weekend.
Cheers
nick Sis,
Found this in the web and one of the ads or two, I'm sure is the ads placed by your politician broker. Which one? I think you'll know the ones in mind.
Classified Ads That Went Wrong
Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.
Great Dames for sale.
Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.
Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.
Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.
Stock up and save. Limit: one.
Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it.
We build bodies that last a lifetime.
This is the model home for your future. It was panned by Better Homes and Gardens.
For Sale--Diamonds $20; microscopes $15.
For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
Wanted: Female cleaners.
Man, honest. Will take anything.
Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required.
Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.
Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
Christmans tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play.
Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.
Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.
Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
See ladies blouses. 50% off!
Wanted: Preparer of food. Must be dependable, like the food business, and be willing to get hands dirty.
Illiterate? Write today for free help.
Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
Mother's helper--peasant working conditions.
Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.
And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.
Hamba.
have a pleasant day Sis. TGIF!