In line with the current state of madness, I thought I'd post something really crazy...it is not my style I know but what the heck! We need to destress and unwind, laugh a little and forget what's bothering us! Have a great day and er....please do not use these insults on anyone...:-)
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I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.
I bet your mother has a loud bark!
I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?
I don't consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.
I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
I don't think you are a fool. But then what's MY opinion against thousands of others?
I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.
I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter?
I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!
I heard you went to have your head examined but the doctors found nothing there.
I know you are nobody's fool but maybe someone will adopt you.
I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo.
I would ask you how old you are but I know you can't count that high.
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
I'd like to leave you with one thought...but I'm not sure you have anywhere to put it!
I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.
I'll never forget the first time we met - although I'll keep trying.
I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
I've seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission!
If I ever need a brain transplant, I'd choose yours because I'd want a brain that had never been used.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.
If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!
If what you don't know can't hurt you, she's invulnerable.
If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
If your brain was chocolate it wouldn't fill an M&M.
Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent.
Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!
Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.
So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.
Some day you will find yourself - and wish you hadn't.
There is no vaccine against stupidity.
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Dear reader, I know what you are thinking :-). These can be used for certain characters :-) but please don't- no matter how great the temptation! I guess I have to confess that I had a delightful time reading through this list :-) and hope you did too! Keep that smile on your face and have a great day! Do leave a comment if you wish :-).
7 comments to WITTY INSULTS JUST FOR LAUGHS
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Unknown Hi dear mh
How lovely to hear from you! Glad you enjoyed this list...I did have some misgivings about posting this but like you, I had a gala time in a similar activity and I thought perhaps, in this season of madness, it would be a good way to release tension and laugh our heads off :-). Take care and catch up soon.
Hugs and much love
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nick Dear Sis,
My corollary on your witty insults post. Hope you like it ;-). Can you change my corollary to italic fonts (those in brackets). Much obliged. Have a nice day!
I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it. (you tried using it but couldn’t find the instruction manual, huh!).
I bet your mother has a loud bark! (Your father don’t bark but, he plays catch, huh?).
I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit? (Yep, who wants to create a monkey from an existing monkey. It’s a waste of time and redundant too!)
I don't consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat. (And that vulture would have to be a starving one at that!)
I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works! (It puzzles me to no end, how you can learn stupidity!)
I don't think you are a fool. But then what's MY opinion against thousands of others? (Do you UNDERSTAND THE WORDS THAT’S COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH?)
I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside. (And it doesn’t mean “ thinking outside the box"!)
I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter? (What about cousin? In the jungle maybe?)
I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! (No wonder! Considering your ass is where your brain used to be!)
I heard you went to have your head examined but the doctors found nothing there. (It doesn’t surprise me at all, viruses doesn’t have brains not to mention heads too!).
I know you are nobody's fool but maybe someone will adopt you. (Can’t say the same for your twin –the moron. No one is adopting him..evar!)
I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo. (And I wonder why they let you out!)
I would ask you how old you are but I know you can't count that high. (That means asking for your IQ is an act of futility too, right?)
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in? (let me rephrase the question. “From where did you slither in?”)
I'd like to leave you with one thought...but I'm not sure you have anywhere to put it! (Some people would sleep on it but I’m sure for you sitting on it would be appropriate).
I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV. (I have saved it on my DVD and will watch it every time you ask me out!)
Continued in part two...
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Unknown Hi Nick...
Thanks so much!!! Love it!!
Hey - you've got mail!!!
:-) I love your witty quips and as always, may I repost as a post????
Pleaseeeeeee???
Thanks...Awaiting Set 2.
You made my day, brother!!!
Take care and if you come to Penang..expect a kenduri!
Salam
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nick Part two
I'll never forget the first time we met - although I'll keep trying. (So it’s true then when they say that horrific memories stays with you forever!).
I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time? ( or am I being polite by just ignoring you, when in fact I should humiliate you altogether?)
I've seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission! (or are you on busman holiday?)
If I ever need a brain transplant, I'd choose yours because I'd want a brain that had never been used. (on second thought, yours might not even be a brain!)
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive. (Therefore I weep for you!)
If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide! (and so many animals will be extinct too, I suppose!)
If what you don't know can't hurt you, she's invulnerable. (So glad she didn’t know that too!)
If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean. (or an echo of an ocean!)
If your brain was chocolate it wouldn't fill an M&M. (Rightly so ’cos nobody wants an ass flavored chocolate!)
Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent. (the problem is you’ll never recognize it!)
Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control! (Sorry, bad advice, you don’t know the meaning of the word "learn", right?)
Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn. (Why am I even talking to you?)
So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey. (and in vacuum too!)
Some day you will find yourself - and wish you hadn't. (You found me and already I wish you hadn’t!)
There is no vaccine against stupidity. (And if there were, it wouldn’t work on you!)
Hamba.
Laughter is the best medicine but laughing all by yourself is a sign of an overdose!
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nick Sis,
It brightens my day whenever you would re-post my comment. It's my pleasure dear sister. Hope to make it to Penang one of these days. Isn't hope a wonderful thing!
Hamba.
GOD bless, Sis.
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Unknown Hi Nick
Please check your inbox ok?
Thanks for these...When I post them in my blog, I will put your responses in the next line.
Very difficult to do it in the comment box hehehe and ur kak here is memang tua dan lambat.
Take care and hope to see you and your family one day!
Yup - HOPE LIVES!!!
You really brightened my day with your responses!!! :-)
Salam
mh Made my morning Paula - thinking of all the people I could aim them at and knowing that they could & would blast wittier stuff right back at me :)