It has not been a very good Chinese New Year celebration for me thanks to the wonderful service of Tenaga Nasional. On Saturday, we had three blackouts. On Sunday we had a three hour power failure from 11 pm to about 3 am and on Monday evening we had another 3-hour power outage. I have to hold for 20-30 minutes to speak to the receptionist and can almost hear the voice activated message saying, "Thank you for calling TNB Careline. Please press 1 if you wish to speak in BM and 2 for English." After a while, the voice will say "You are in Queue no 79. If you wish to hold on, please press 1." Imagine how I held on for more than 10 times!!! A real test of patience. Perhaps they want to turn TNB customers in tigers!! I have been told to expect this to be a pattern till Wednesday when the engineers get back to work!! Enough ranting. Power failures can short-circuit bloggers' brains :-). For a change, I am posting some witty one-liners that have both wisdom and humor. Enjoy this selection and have a great day.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
Drink 'till she's cute, but stop before the wedding
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol
I intend to live forever - so far, so good
I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!
Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!
Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States
Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.
If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...
24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ...coincidence?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
Excuses are like asses everyone's got em and they all stink.
I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away... so does having no medical insurance.
I really think the Mars Rover is scouting for the next Wal-Mart Superstore site.
Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
What we could really use is the separation of Bush and state.
Never play strip poker with a nudist, they have nothing to lose.
If you can't read this, you're illiterate.
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.
He who hesitates is boss.
As they say at the Planned Parenthood Clinic, better late than never
20 comments to FUNNY AND WITTY ONE-LINERS
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Village Boy Each time we call the TNB Careline, they really can put up an impressive 'sandiwara'!
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Village Boy "Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you."
Haha, I especially like this one!
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Anonymous There's a difference between beauty and charm. A beautiful lady is one I notice. A charming lady is one who notices me.
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Banyak Susah The commonest answer of the year:
TNB staff: Well, we are sorry for the inconvenience caused, but we are not responsible for the power failure!
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Anonymous ~~ TOMORROW is NEVER promised ~~
One day a woman's husband died, and on that clear, cold morning, in the warmth of their bedroom, the wife was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn't "anymore". No more hugs, no more special moments to celebrate together, no more phone calls just to chat, no more "just one minute."
Sometimes, what we care about the most gets all used up and goes away, never to return before we can say good-bye, say "I love you."
So while we have it, it's best we love it, care for it, fix it when it's broken and heal it when it's sick. This is true for marriage, and old cars, and children with bad report cards, and dogs with bad hips, and aging parents and grandparents. We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it.
Some things we keep -- like a best friend who moved away or a sister-in-law after divorce. There are just some things that make us happy, no matter what.
Life is important, like people we know who are special. And so, we keep them close!
I received this from someone who thought I was a 'keeper'! Then I sent it to the people I think of in the same way. Suppose one morning you never wake up, do all your friends know you love them?
I was thinking,,I could die today, tomorrow or next week, and I wondered if I had any wounds needing to be healed, friendships that needed rekindling or three words needing to be said.
Let every one of your friends know you love them. Even if you think they don't love you back, you would be amazed at what those three little words and a smile J can do.
And just in case I'm gone tomorrow. "You are special to me."
Live today because tomorrow is not promised.
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Unknown Dear Cat-in-Sydney
Eeeeeew!!! Golly! You can be soooooo cheeky, little darling Angelina!! I absolutely love Brad's latest pic!!! So prince-like in tandem with the Year of the Tiger!
Take care and have a lovely day!
Salam
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Unknown Dear Village Boy
Agree! Now they all know my name, address and telephone number!!! Arrrgh!!
I dread to think of how long it might be tonight!!
Take care and enjoy the 'light' that you have at your place...:-)
Have a great day!
Cheers
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Unknown Dear Village Boy
Glad you like these one-liners...Some are really a riot!
Cheers!
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Unknown Dear Anonymous
Thanks for a very witty comment! I suppose I can define a handsome and charming guy the same way! YAY!! lol:-)
Thanks for stopping by, Do keep in touch.
Cheers
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Unknown Dear Banyak Susah,
You are so right!!! That is exactly what they said to me - it is the fault of the consumers who used too much power during CNY!!! I went ballistic and said well - if it happened the first time, you should have taken preventive measures. But it has happened FIVE times. Besides, many of my neighbours are away!!!
And then they said it will still happen tonight!!! Arrrgh!!!
Sorry for the rant but really, it has been for all of us.
Take care and thanks for sharing your input.
Keep in touch, ya? Have a nice day!
Cheers
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Unknown Dear Anonymous
Wow!!! Thanks so much for this very beautiful comment. Did you write it? Would you mind if I posted it as a separate post because it deserves more readership? I will only put it up if you give me your permission. Naturally, I will credit it to you (if I have your pen name)or just to Anon @ 11.11am, 16th Feb.
Take care and thanks for blessing us with this comment.
Absolutely beautiful!
God bless your kind heart! Have a nice day.
Cheers
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Anonymous Well, it definitely is not written by me. It was emailed to me by a friend.
Yes, I really appreciate the comment too.
Have a nice day
Anon @ 11.11am, 16th Feb.
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Anonymous We don't always appreciate what we have until it's gone.
Isn't that sad, sad, sad?
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Anonymous A little boy, taken to the ballet for the first time, watched curiously as the dancers cavorted about on their toes.
"Mom," he whispered loudly, "why don't they just get taller girls?"
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Unknown Dear Anon @ 11.11am and 12.32 pm
Thanks! Take care and God bless you!
Shalom
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Unknown Dear Anon @ 12.56 pm
How true! The older I get, the more I appreciate little things in life. I wish I had had such a perspective when I was younger.
Take care....Don't be sad...Treasure our loved ones and precious moments.
God bless.
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Unknown Dear Anon @ 1.11pm
Haha! That's a good one! Thanks for the laughs. Take care and have a great day!
Cheers
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Unknown Dear LC Teh
Thanks so much for sharing that clip. Indeed, it makes me feel better too. Still, I dread what may happen tonight!
Take care and Gong Xi Fa Cai!
Cheers
Cat-from-Sydney O Wise Master,
I'm changing this: I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy
To this: I love defenseless animals, especially in a can.
purrr....meow!