My grateful thanks to Angela for sending me the following post that I hope will make you smile and have a happy start to the new day! Take care and enjoy life and all that it offers us...Cheers!
How To Live Stresslessly
1. Chances are - If you think that a woman is beautiful, she will always have a husband, or a boy-friend - to prove it !
2. Chances are - The more beautiful a woman is, the greater the chances that, she may dump you !
3. Chances are - The more make up - a woman wears - she may look proprtionately uglier !
4. Chances are - the man standing next to a beautiful woman and chatting with her, may not be her brother !
5. Chances are - if the woman whom you like, likes you back, she may let you know about her interest in you, after you are married to another lady !
6. Chances are - The more you ignore a woman, the more she would be interested in you !
7. Chances are - The more you chase a woman, the faster she may run away from you !
8. Chances are - The more you like a woman, the more her father will dislike you !
9. Chances are - the number of bullets in the gun owned by the father of the woman you like, maybe directly proportional to the extent of your interest in his daughter !
10. Chances are - when you get a woman to be alone with you, her friend will come to meet her !
11. Chances are - when you get a woman to be alone with you, her friend who comes to meet her, will be a handsome and very exciting male hunk !
12. Chances are - the day, the woman whom you like comes to talk to you, that may be the day when, you are most badly dressed !
13. Chances are - the day, the woman whom you like comes to talk to you, that may be the day when, you forgot to brush your teeth !
14. Chances are - the day, the woman whom you like comes to talk to you, that may be the day when, you forgot to wear body deodarant !
15. Chances are - the day, the woman whom you like comes to talk to you, that may be the day when, you have an itch problem !
16. Chances are - the day, the woman whom you like comes to talk to you, that may be the day when, you have a gas problem in your tummy !
17. Chances are - the day, the woman whom you like comes to talk to you, that may be the day when, your ex-girl friend comes to re-concile with you !
18. Only 35 % of the women in this world are supposed to be beautiful. Chances are that, it is only the balance 65 %, who may be in your company !
Hope u had a good laugh...
10 comments to How To Live Stresslessly...
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Anonymous Sis,
I posting here my comment for your post "Up, close and personal with NEP" (still having problem in posting my comment to you). Since it contains a joke I think it might be appropriate. Here it is:
Ahh.. NEP (the TDM”s NEP not the Tun Razak one), the actual and real “goose that lays the golden egg” for a few elite UMNOputeras (and associates) and the mythical creatures that the Malays are falsely told of its existence that will never ever become real no matter how much faith the malays have in its existence!
Talking about NEP creates such a lively debate from many quarters. To some, NEP is a MUST for a race to escape poverty (just like the ever popular “upacara tarik duit” or Skim Pak Man Telo,) and to some NEP is nothing more than a discriminatory policy that not only divides the country but manages to enrich a few chosen (an elite group) ones at the expense of the poor and down trodden Malaysian (every race included).
To me personally, NEP reminds me of THE JOKE that Quentin Tarantino unleashed on the unsuspecting bartender and the bar patron. Here how it goes:
This guy comes into a bar, walks up to the bartender. Says, "Bartender, I got me a bet for you. I'm gonna bet you $300 that I can piss into that glass over there and not spill a single, solitary drop." The bartender looks. I mean, we're talking, like, this glass is like a good ten feet away. He says, "Now wait, let me get this straight. You're tryin' to tell me you'll bet me $300 that you can piss, standing over here, way over there into that glass, and not spill a single drop?" Customer looks up and says, "That's right." Bartender says, "Young man, you got a bet." The guy goes, "Okay, here we go. Here we go." Pulls out his thing. He's lookin' at the glass, man. He's thinkin' about the glass. He's thinkin' about the glass. Glass. He's thinkin' about the glass, glass. Thinkin' about his thingy. Thingy, glass, thingy, glass, thingy, glass, thingy, glass, thingy, glass, thingy, glass, thingy, glass. And then, *foosh*, he lets it rip. And he pisses all over the place, man. He's pissin' on the bar. He pissin' on the stools, on the floor, on the phone, on the bartender! He's pissing everywhere *except* the ******* glass! Right? Okay. So, bartender, he's laughing his ******' *** off. He's $300 richer. He's like, "Ha, ha, ha, ha!" Piss dripping off his face. "Ha, ha, ha, ha!" He says, "You ******* idiot, man! You got it in everything except the glass! You owe me $300 punta (ok, in the Malaysian context it’s Macha! Or more appropriately mamak!)." Guy goes, "Excuse me just one-one little second." Goes in the back of the bar. In back, there's a couple of guys playing pool. He walks over to them. Comes back to the bar. Goes, "Here you go, Mr. Bartender, $300." And the bartender's like, "What the **** are you so happy about? You just lost $300, idiot!" The guy says, "Well, see those guys over there? I just bet them $500 apiece that I could piss on your bar, piss on your floor, piss on your phone, and piss on YOU, and not only would you not be mad about it, you'd be happy!:)"
Well, that’s what NEP reminds me of and I leave it up to all Malaysian to draw their own conclusion on those people who fits the bill as “ The pissing Guy”,” the bartender”, “the other bar patrons and those pool playing losers” in the Malaysian context!
Have a nice day Sis and GOD bless.
Nick.
I'm posting the same comment to Mr Aspan's blog later on for his post on NEP. Truly hope no one calls me a deviant muslim for posting a bar room joke.
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Anonymous Dear Masterwordsmith,
This is indeed going to be very very stressful for us guys who have yet to find our woman.
Bless me ! I'll need to take a trip to planet VENUS for me mate then.
MARS calling VENUS !!!!!
Have a splendid day !
Cheerio !
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Anonymous We all sane gentlemen need to catch the earliest flight out to,........ GUAM, ya. For in that place women are not allow to be married if their " he men " are still intact. Don't ask me whether it is true or not for I read it in this blog sometimes ago.
Just ask MWS where is the source of that info for it may not be reveal in order to protect the source. Hahaha! That is either stressfool or stressfree depending on one's marital status.
~ahoo~
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Masterwordsmith Dear Cat-in-Sydney
It can be taken both ways hehe...How are you? Home safely with your darlings now..
Take care and rest well.
Selamat berpuasa.
Salam
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Masterwordsmith Dear Nick
Many thanks for such a brilliant comment and most suitable analogy!! May I post it separately on another day?
Thanks so much for sharing.
You are really a gem to my blog and I sincerely hope that you will stand for elections one day.
There is a lot that you can do for our country!!
Take care and have a meaningful fasting season.
Selamat berpuasa.
Salam
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Masterwordsmith Dear Anon @ 12.06p.m.
Thanks for your sense of humor :-). With your wit, I am sure it is a piece of cake to find the woman who will take your heart and breath away.
Take care and have a lovely 'hunting' season *winks*.
Do stay in touch.
Cheers!
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Masterwordsmith Dear ahoo
LOL!! You still remember that post haha...I call that selective retention of informatioon :-).
Take care and thanks for the smiles.
Wishing you and yours a blessed week.
Shalom
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nick Hi Sis,
Sorry for the late reply. Schedule a bit changed during ramadhan so still adjusting my waking hours and my beauty(?) slumber.
NEP always reminded me of being pissed upon (or in malay slang translation means "being cheated or duped or conned") and of course Quentin Tarantino's joke in "Desperado" is the most suitable one and it's about pissing too. It's my honor Sis, to have it re posted. Hope all Malaysian understand the real reason and aim of this policy.
Good night Sis and GOD bless.
Nick.
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Unknown Dear Nick
Many thanks for your positive response. I will post your comment in my blog after this. Take care and have a good day.
Selamat berpuasa.
Salam
Cat-from-Sydney Aunty Paula,
Are you dedicating this to your male readers only? Chances are, the girls will be ROTFLOL at us. roar! roar! roar!