The Ultimate Guide to Understanding Women

Posted by Unknown On Friday, October 29, 2010 3 comments
Fine: This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use Fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.



Five minutes: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five
minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

Nothing: This means something, and you should be on your toes.
Nothing is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards.
Nothing usually signifies an argument that will last Five Minutes and end with the word Fine.

Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over Nothing and will end with the word Fine.

Go Ahead (normal eyebrows): This means "I give up" or Do what you want, because I don't care. You will get a raised eyebrow Go ahead in just a few minutes, followed by Nothing and Fine and she will talk to you in about Five Minutes when she cools off.

Loud Sigh This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal
statement very misunderstood by men. A Loud Sigh means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over Nothing.

Soft Sigh: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. Soft Sighs are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

Oh: This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example: "Oh, let me get that." Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night." If she says Oh before a statement, RUN, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is Fine when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. Oh, as the lead to a sentence, usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows Go ahead followed by acts so unspeakable that we can't bring ourselves to write about them.

That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. That's Okay means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for whatever it is that you have done. That's Okay is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow Go ahead. At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

Please Do: This is not a statement; it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful, and you shouldn't get a That's Okay.

Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say you're welcome.

"Thanks a lot":This is much different from Thanks. A woman will say, Thanks a lot when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the Loud Sigh. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the Loud Sigh, as she will only tell you Nothing.

-Author Unknown-

So do you understand women now? Tell you a secret - It is VERY difficult to understand women, ok? I should know cos I am one :-). Do leave a comment to share your thoughts. Thanks. Have a great day!

3 comments to The Ultimate Guide to Understanding Women

  1. says:

    KoSong Cafe I will try to be brief. Women's logic: went for eye tests over a period of time and got herself 3 pairs of glasses - short- long- and multi-focal, but refused to wear them. Continue to wear normal sunglasses for driving, but realized cannot read subtitles on tv. So in comes a big screen as a solution!

    I was told off, 'do not question my memory' when shopping for a tv (ketuanan wanita?) out of concern over the multitude of type and functions and combinations thereof: Plasma, LCD,LED; partial or fully HD; 3-D; whether offer includes blu-ray player, HDMI cable, and so on. Yet she was caught with error of mental maths: 3,599 over 12 was thought to be 360 monthly. She got confused with some figures quoted by another shop. Should have kept to my 'be kind rather than be right'!

    But because she is spending her own money, she has every right to be 'pennywise pound foolish' while I remain sheepish. As a man, my logic would be plain and simple: buy what you need, not what is the latest which has functions which you are unlikely to use.

  1. says:

    Unknown Dear Kosong Cafe

    :-) Wow!! Thanks for a fantastic comment. Appreciate your wit and honesty. Such life experiences are indeed defining moments for patience and true love ;-) and that is what makes the marriage grow in love.


    It is indeed great to hear from you again!!

    I am speaking from my experience too haha!!

    Take care and have a wonderful weekend!

    Cheers!

  1. says:

    Anonymous Here are some more...
    The things women say and what they mean.

    She says: “I really don’t know what to wear”
    It means: She’s going shopping this weekend

    She says: “Hi handsome. Want to have some fun?”
    It means: The buxom siren next door is a threat

    She says: “You men just don’t understand”
    It means: She can’t win this argument using her brains

    She says: “I’m almost ready”
    It means: You can watch CNN for another hour

    She says: “Aren’t you going out tonight?”
    It means: She is going to audit her possessions in the safe

    She says: “We need to talk!
    It means: She’ll do the talking. You just sit there and listen

    She says: “What do you think?”
    It means: She don’t really need your opinion. She has already made up her mind.

    She says: “You’ll pay for this!!!”
    It means: You sleep in the living room with the family dog

    She says: “Are you happy now?!”
    It means: You've just made her the most unhappy girl in the world

    She says: “Those are your friends?”
    It means: “Those” are now blacklisted and not to be invited to the house ever

    She says: “When you move your tail, I know you're up to"
    It Means: Exactly that

    Women? They're like James Bond - smart and dangerous. So, don’t play, play.

    StraightTalking

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