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I HAD A DREAM
written by StraightTalking
written by StraightTalking
Malaysians have gone to the polls and have rewritten history.
BN have won nearly all the state and parliamentary seats. Badawi loses his RM100 million bet to Najib because he says Najib cannot beat his election record. All previously Pakatan-held states are recaptured.
This was what happened…
UMNO had appointed Bank Negara staff to issue “RM10K for Your Vote” bond certificates at all polling stations. The Chinese have “repented for their sins” and gave overwhelming support to MCA. CSL, his popularity growing, gets movie offer from Hong Kong Shaw Brothers to co-star with “Miss Big Tits” Amy Yip in a blockbuster called “Memoir of the Soiled Leg”. MIC also made a miraculous come-back. Samy Vellu, returning from India after buying up almost half the properties in the states of Gujarat, Kerala and Punjab promises all Malaysian Indian voters “One Free Condo in India for One Vote in Malaysia”.
Meanwhile, DAP have closed shop after father disowned son for losing Penang. Guan Eng returns to practicing law while the father sells salted duck eggs in Pudu wet market in the mornings. PAS had also disbanded. TGNK leaves politics and returns to his original calling. Hadi now organizes religious counseling and seminars and operates travel agency with exclusive 10-day “Journey to Tora Bora” and “Dancing with the Taliban” holiday packages.
As expected, Anwar Ibrahim is sent to jail for another 15 years as a repeat sex offender. The wife leaves him and the family breaks up. Nurul becomes a writer and her “The Happiness of Defeat” and “Caging Nurul the Tigress” becomes a #1 best-seller in the US.
Shortly thereafter…
Malaysia builds 300-storey building at a cost of RM2.0 trillion. The Man-in-Charge admits that he’s only taking a 10% commission from the project but rakyat begs him to take 30% as he needs to share it among his colleagues. UM** sets up The Bank of Ali Baba with RM2 paid up and requires all banks to contribute 50% of their deposits into it.
E*F takes over AirA** at a cost of RM4.4 billion and rebrands its marketing tag from “Now Everyone can Fly” to “Even the Poor can Fly!!”
Putrajaya is moved from Sepang to Kuala Lipis, the hometown of the Man at the cost of RM200 billion. Old Putrajaya becomes Malaysia’s Disneyland after a RM2.5 billion makeover. Malaysia buys the latest fighter jets from the US at a cost of RM15 trillion to prepare for war against Singapore. The Man takes a 10% cut but again the rakyat insist he takes 30%. The civil service is increased 3-fold to nearly 4 million. Civil servants across the board gets 200% pay rise. All BN ministers get a one month fully paid vacation to the Bahamas.
Shortly after “shortly thereafter”…
I see FDI drying up to less than half a billion. I see local manufacturers relocating to India and China. I see rich families with their “no-eye-see!” look migrating to Australia with their children and money.
I see our graduates lepak at home, unemployed, watching TV. I see Malaysian girls now mostly working in “Come-fark-me” karaokes or hair salons. I see our boys are either selling DVDs at the pasar malam or pimping China dolls, or joining nasty Ah Longs. I also see thousands of Myanmars, Banglas, Indons, Philippinas, all loitering in the streets and the shopping malls with the “I’m-going-to-rob-you” look.
And then I begin to do some thinking. Where’s the money coming from? Who’s paying the taxes? This doesn’t add up. This can’t be happening. What the hell is going on!!! And then I woke up. Farking hell!
Thank God it’s just a dream!
In fact Pakatan had won the general election. Phew!!
modernlifeisrubbish Hi MWS
This is not funny lah. Not at all!
Until i realized it's just a dream. Then, it is funny. Hahahaha.