THE ROAD TO ENLIGHTENMENT

Posted by Unknown On Tuesday, February 16, 2010 34 comments

I don't know about you but I feel very cheated, outraged and absolutely ballistic at the recent turn of events. One after another, leaders seem to want to outdo each other in degrees of stupidity, moronic tendencies as if to say,"Hey you - You're a dimwit but listen to my speech, I'm a greater dimwit. Now listen and then clap!" Some of you may be disappointed that I have not been blogging on some of the issues. I am sorry. I really am. Believe me - regular leaders know that I am very particular about the way I blog on so-po issues and seldom do I use four-letter words or nasty terms. Frankly, at this point of time, I cannot control myself. I have become so ****ing angry that the only way to keep sane is to read jokes. Reading news portals is a health hazard cos it really raises my blood pressure. Today's news on what one leader said about foreigners over HERE is another rib-tickler. If ever some retire, seriously, I believe they can become stand up comedians. I entertain myself by imagining how the audience would throw rotten tomatoes and eggs at them. Sorry. This is madness caused by TNB's power failures (SIX so far!!!) and Neanderthal idiots, dimwits, rogues, plunderers and pirates walking the face of this earth. So before I start cussing, here's something that has calmed my nerves a bit and hopefully will do the same for you and bring a smile to your face. Take care and have a lovely evening!


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THE ROAD TO ENLIGHTENMENT

This is the road to enlightenment - may our leaders truly be enlightened to see what they are doing/saying, what they need to do/say and what should not be done/said.

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact just buzz off and leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.

3. The darkest hour is just before dawn. So if you' re going to steal your neighbour' s milk, that' s the time to do it.

4. Sex is like air. It' s not important unless you aren't getting any.

5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can' t be replaced, you can't be promoted.

6. No one is listening until you fart.

7. Always remember you' re unique. Just like everyone else.

8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

9. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you' re a mile away and you have their shoes.

11. If at first you don' t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

14. If you tell the truth, you don' t have to remember anything.

15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windscreen.

16. Don' t worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

23. Experience is something you don' t get until just after you need it. - This one is so true for all the you-know-who's!

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Do leave a comment if you wish. I would love to hear from you. Thanks. Have a lovely evening.


TOMORROW IS NEVER PROMISED

Posted by Unknown On 26 comments

This is the third Chinese New Year that I am observing since the demise of my beloved dad. It was not easy the first time or the second time. This year, it has been slightly easier because I realize that it is better for me to treasure the beautiful memories of the previous Chinese New Year celebrations with my dad than to accent on the loss. So often in life, we take things for granted - even the people we love. It is 2.30pm now and my older boy just went back to KL. Previously, I used to weep while driving him to the bus station but this time, I was pretty strong although I have to confess there are tears in my eyes now. I have learnt to treasure precious moments and to let go of my sadness and grief. Instead of missing him, I think of the next time he will be back and what we will be doing together. How time flies and how I have grown much older and wiser. Today, a reader left the following comment in my previous post HERE . It is a very moving and inspiring comment which I hope will touch your heart as it has mine. Thanks Anonymous @ 11.11a.m. for sharing it with us. Have a great day, everyone!
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TOMORROW IS NEVER PROMISED

One day a woman's husband died, and on that clear, cold morning, in the warmth of their bedroom, the wife was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn't "anymore". No more hugs, no more special moments to celebrate together, no more phone calls just to chat, no more "just one minute."
Sometimes, what we care about the most gets all used up and goes away, never to return before we can say good-bye, say "I love you."

So while we have it, it's best we love it, care for it, fix it when it's broken and heal it when it's sick. This is true for marriage, and old cars, and children with bad report cards, and dogs with bad hips, and aging parents and grandparents. We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it.

Some things we keep -- like a best friend who moved away or a sister-in-law after divorce. There are just some things that make us happy, no matter what.

Life is important, like people we know who are special. And so, we keep them close!

I received this from someone who thought I was a 'keeper'! Then I sent it to the people I think of in the same way. Suppose one morning you never wake up, do all your friends know you love them?

I was thinking,,I could die today, tomorrow or next week, and I wondered if I had any wounds needing to be healed, friendships that needed rekindling or three words needing to be said.

Let every one of your friends know you love them. Even if you think they don't love you back, you would be amazed at what those three little words and a smile can do.

And just in case I'm gone tomorrow. "You are special to me."

Live today because tomorrow is not promised.

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Please leave a comment if you like. I would love to hear from you.Thanks! Take care and God bless you.


FUNNY AND WITTY ONE-LINERS

Posted by Unknown On 20 comments

It has not been a very good Chinese New Year celebration for me thanks to the wonderful service of Tenaga Nasional. On Saturday, we had three blackouts. On Sunday we had a three hour power failure from 11 pm to about 3 am and on Monday evening we had another 3-hour power outage. I have to hold for 20-30 minutes to speak to the receptionist and can almost hear the voice activated message saying, "Thank you for calling TNB Careline. Please press 1 if you wish to speak in BM and 2 for English." After a while, the voice will say "You are in Queue no 79. If you wish to hold on, please press 1." Imagine how I held on for more than 10 times!!! A real test of patience. Perhaps they want to turn TNB customers in tigers!! I have been told to expect this to be a pattern till Wednesday when the engineers get back to work!! Enough ranting. Power failures can short-circuit bloggers' brains :-). For a change, I am posting some witty one-liners that have both wisdom and humor. Enjoy this selection and have a great day.

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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm

Drink 'till she's cute, but stop before the wedding

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines

Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol

I intend to live forever - so far, so good

I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!

Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!

Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States

Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.

If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...

24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ...coincidence?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

Excuses are like asses everyone's got em and they all stink.

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away... so does having no medical insurance.

I really think the Mars Rover is scouting for the next Wal-Mart Superstore site.

Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.

What we could really use is the separation of Bush and state.

Never play strip poker with a nudist, they have nothing to lose.

If you can't read this, you're illiterate.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.

He who hesitates is boss.

As they say at the Planned Parenthood Clinic, better late than never


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