Best of the Best Jokes

Posted by M ws On Thursday, December 22, 2011 5 comments
Answers of a Brilliant student who obtained 0%

Q. In which battle did Tipu Sultan die?
A. His last battle.

Q. Where was the Declaration of Independance Signed?
A. At the Bottom of the Page.
...
Q. Ganga flows in which state?
A. Liquid.

Q. Whats the main reason for Divorce?
A. Marriage.

Q. Whats the main reason for Failure?
A. Examinations...

Did the student give any wrong answer??

*Thanks to Angela who sent me this list.

___________________________________

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

"You'll get your chance in court," said the Desk Sergeant.

"No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"

*Thanks to Kassim who sent me this list.

_______________________________________

Woman buys a new sim card, puts it in her phone and decides to surprise her husband who is seated on the couch in the living room.

She goes to the kitchen, calls her Husband with the new number: "Hello Darling"
The husband responds in a low tone:

"Let me call u back later honey, the dumb woman is in the kitchen.

*Thanks to a friend who sent me this joke.

__________________________________________

And I always save the best joke for the last...this one is from Freddie! Thank you, Freddie!

Football trivia......, men's fascination with 'bola'

Why is football is played for 45 minutes in each half?

Those who thought of this must have got Š°lots of time, 'bo su cho' (hokkien phrase for nothing better to do)

"Why do people play football for 45 minutes, not 30 minutes or 1 hour?

Even the sports scientist and some of the senior players could not give the right answer.

In that confusing situation one person came up with a reasonable answer.

He said......."The reason people play this game for 45 minutes is...

There are 2 teams and there are 11 players in each team. Each player brings his own "2 *****".

There is one ball on the ground itself.

Thus the grand total is 45.

Question Answered !!!

Sometimes there is extra time of 2 mins which is for the referee's *****!

:-)

Posted for laughs with no intention to offend anyone.

Keep smiling and have a lovely day!

5 comments to Best of the Best Jokes

  1. says:

    Monyet King LOL. Thanks for the laughs.
    MWS, Merry Christmas & wish yo a Happy New Year

  1. says:

    walla Q: What type of bond holds sodium and chloride ions together in a salt crystal? A: James' bond

    Q: What is a vibration? A: There are good vibrations and bad vibrations. Good vibrations were discarded in the 60s.

    Q: What is a fibula? A: a little lie.

    Q: What is the meaning of varicose? A: Close by.

    Q: What does terminal illness mean? A: When you become ill at the airport.

    Q: What happens during puberty to a boy? A: He says goodbye to his childhood and enters adultery.

    Q: What is a plasmid? A: a high definition tv.

    Q: Explain homeostasis. A: It is when you stay at home all day and don't go out.

    Q: Explain genome. A: abbreviation of gender and gnome.

    Q: What happens when your body starts to age? A: When you get old your organs work less effectively and you become intercontinental.

    Q: Explain momentum. A: a brief moment.

    Q: How can we prove that radiation-treated food is safe? A: by eating some.

    Q: Why do people believe that living close to a cellphone tower may cause poor health? A: You might walk into it.

    Q: What does a transformer do? A: It can go from robot to sports car in three seconds.

    Q: Give a reason why people would want to live near a power line. A: You get your electricity faster.

    Q: Give three ways to reduce heat loss in your home. A: Thermal underwear, move to Hawaii, close the door.

    Q: Describe the shape and structure of the Milky Way. A: It's kind of a long, bumpy rectangle. It's completely covered in milk chocolate but inside there are two delicious layers - chocolaty nougat and caramel.

    Q: Change 7/8 into a decimal. A: 7.8

    Q: To change centimeters to meters you... A: take out the centi.

    Q: What is conditional probability? A: maybe, maybe not.

    Q: What is the splitting formula? A: boy meets girl; boy meets another girl; girl finds out about other girl = the splitting formula.

    Q: What is a random variable? A: Someone with multiple personalities.

    Q: What is a discrete random variable? Give an example. A: It is a person that hides at a corner at parties. Similar to the wallpaper but a bit more unpredictable after a few drinks.

    Q: John and Julie are both good badminton players. Is it more probable that Julie will beat John in four games out of seven, or five out of nine? A: She will win every game. She is a girl. Girls are better at such things. Q: How should Julie play to minimize any loss? A: dirty.

    Q: A new car costs $32,000. It is expected to depreciate 12% each year for 4 years and then 8% each year thereafter. Find the value of the car in 6 years. A: No one will drive cars in 6 years with fuel going up like it is.

    Q: Explain the phrase free-press. A: When your mum irons pants for you.

    Q: Explain the term wholesaler. A: Someone who sells you whole items, eg whole cake.

    Q: Describe the term stakeholder. A: a vampire hunter, Buffy being the most famous.

    Q: Hugo King is a sole trader; explain the business term sole trader. A: It means he has sold his sole to the devil.

    Q: What guarantees might a mortgage company insist on when you want to buy a house? A: They may check to see whether you are well-endowed before allowing the purchase.

    Q: What happens during a census? A: During the census, a man goes from door to door and increases the population.

    Q: What is a computer virus? A: an STD. A systematically transmitted disease.

    Q: Joanna works in an office. Her computer is a stand-alone system. What is a stand-alone system? A: It doesn't come with a chair.

    Q: What is hacking? A: a really bad cough.

    Q: What is a network? A: When you chat to people you don't like in order to try and get a job.

  1. says:

    walla 2/2

    Q: Explain the psycho-dynamic approach. A: Using your mind to move things like a Jedi.

    Q: Explain the term stereotype. A: It is the kind of CD player you own.

    Q: What does the phrase case study mean? A: It is the process whereby you sit and stare at your suitcase before you go on a trip but not knowing what to pack.

    Q: Who said I think Therefore I Am? A: I did.

    Q: Using your knowledge of Freud, provide an example of when a dream represents Freud's theory. A: If you dream about cookies, it means you are subconsciously thinking about sex but if dream about sex it means you are thinking about cookies.

    Q: What is pastoral farming? A: It's a farm run by reverends.

    Q: What does lava mean? A: a pre-pubescent caterpillar.

    Q: Which artificial waterway runs between the Mediterranean and Red Seas? A: The Sewage Canal.

    Q: What was the main industry of Persia? A: Cats.

    Q: The race of people known as Malays come from which country? A: Malaria.

    Q: Name the smaller rivers that run into the Nile. A: Juveniles.

    Q: Name six animals that live in the Arctic. A: Two polar bears and four seals.

    Q: Inhabitants of Moscow are called? A: Mosquitoes.

    Q: What is the collective name given to the inhabitants of the Philippine islands? A: The Philistines.

    Q: Name one famous Greek landmark. A: The most famous Greek landmark is the Apocalypse.

    Q: Name two animals native to Siberia. A: The lynx and larynx.

    Q: Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? A: at the bottom.

    Q: What are rift valleys? A: Valleys fallen out after argument.

    Q: Why was the Berlin Wall built? A: Germany was competing with China.

    Q: Explain autocracy. A: Country with lots of cars.

    Q: Upon ascending the throne, the first thing that Queen Elizabeth II did was to... A: Sit down.

    Q: What was the biggest threat to world peace in the 1980s? A: Heavy metal rock music...because it was very loud and noisy.

    Q: What is having only one spouse called? A: Monotony.

    Q: What were Jesus' closest group of followers known as? A: The Decibels.

    Q: State two major world religions. A: The Force in Star Wars, and football.

    Q: What is the difference between the New Testament and the Old Testament? A: The New Testament was a better version.

    Q: What is a pilgrimage? A: It is when lots of people wander off in the same direction for no apparent reason.

    Q: Name the successor of the First Roman Emperor. A: The Second Roman Emperor.

    Q: Who was Solomon? A: He was a very popular man who had 700 wives and 300 porcupines.

    Q: What were the circumstances of Julius Caesar's death? A: Suspicious ones.

    Q: Where was Hadrian's Wall built? A: around Hadrian's garden.

    Q: What is Sir Francis Drake known for? A: He circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.

    Q: Name one of Abraham Lincoln's greatest achievements. A: Having his face carved in rock.

    Q: What is Karl Marx known for? A: He was one of the Marx brothers.

    Q: Discuss the style of Romeo And Juliet. A: It is written entirely in Islamic pentameter. The play is full of heroic couplets. One example being Romeo and Juliet themselves.

    Q: How much is Romeo to blame for what happens at the end of Romeo & Juliet? A: He is completely to blame; he is an alpha male and also named after a car.

    Q: Why should we be optimistic about the future? Use a discursive or argumentative style in composing your answer. A: Because if you're positive about the future then you ain't got much hope have you.

  1. says:

    masterwordsmith Dear Monyet King

    :-)I am glad you enjoyed the jokes. Thanks to you for your festive greetings and hand of friendship. Wishing you and yours the best for the coming year! Take care and please keep in touch.

    Cheers

  1. says:

    masterwordsmith Dear Walla

    WOW!!! What a bonanza you have shared here! Thank you so much. I hope you don't mind if I repost your jokes in a separate post.

    Thank you so much for gracing my blog with your elegant and wise responses. I appreciate the connection and friendship.

    Wishing you nothing but the best for the coming new year.

    Take care and please keep in touch!

    Cheers

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