masterwordsmith-unplugged

Here are some pretty good quips and glossary of terms about the new American Economy...Thanks to Angela who sent me this post. Have a great day, everyone!

1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys people but keeps the building standing,. Its called the stock market - *Jay Leno*

2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are ?? Wall Street is now beingcalled Wal Mart Street- *Jay Leno*

3. The difference between a pigeon and a London investment banker . *The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW*

4. What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in Las Vegas and an investment banker ? *A tie*

5. The problem with investment bank balance sheet is that *on the left side nothing's right and on the right side nothing's left.

6. I want to warn people from Nigeria who might be watching our show, if you get any e mails from Washington asking for money, it's a scam. Don't fall for it - *Jay Leno*

7. Bush was asked about the credit crunch. He said it was his favourite candy bar -* Jay Leno*

8. The rescue bill was about 450 pages. President Obama's copy is even thicker. They had to include pictures.
-*Jay Leno*

9. President Obama's response was to support some small business owners in America. The small business owners are General Motors, General Electric and Century 21.
- *Jay Leno*

10. What worries me most about the credit crunch, is that if one of my cheques is returned stamped 'insufficient funds'. * I won't know whether that refers to mine or the bank's.

*NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS

*CEO* --Chief Embezzlement Officer.

*CFO* -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

*BULL MARKET* -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

*BEAR MARKET* -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry.

*VALUE INVESTING* -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

*P/E RATIO* -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

*BROKER* -- What my broker has made me.

*STANDARD & POOR* -- Your life in a nutshell.

*STOCK ANALYST* -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

*STOCK SPLIT* -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

*FINANCIAL PLANNER* -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

*MARKET CORRECTION* -- The day after you buy stocks.

*CASH FLOW*-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

*YAHOO* -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

*WINDOWS* -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @
$240 per share.

*INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR* -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

*PROFIT* -- An archaic word no longer in use


-Author Unknown-