Saturday Evening Humor

Posted by M ws On Saturday, April 14, 2012 5 comments
The young clerk's responsibilities included bringing the judge a hot cup of coffee at the start of every day. Each morning the judge was enraged that the coffee cup arrived two-thirds full. The clerk explained that he had to rush to get the coffee delivered while it was still hot, which caused him to spill much of it along the way.

None of the judge's yelling and insults produced a full cup of coffee, until he finally threatened to cut the clerk's pay by one-third if he continued to produce one-third less than the judge wanted. The next morning he was greeted with a cup of coffee that was full to the brim, and the next morning and the morning after that.

The judge couldn't resist gloating over his success and smugly complimented the clerk on his new technique. "Oh, there's not much to it," admitted the clerk happily, "I take some coffee in my mouth right outside the coffee room, and spit it back in when I get outside your office."

________________________

Two guys rob a store, they burst out the door running as they hear the sirens of cop cars coming closer. The two dive into two separate bushes hoping they won't get caught. Soon the cop cars stop near the bushes and the two robbers hearing foot steps grow more nervous. A cop then grabs one of the guys out the bush laughing "Busted". As he drags the robber off he looks back shaking his head in shame... "Come on John!!!!!!!!" he screams "They got US!"

______________________

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man below says: "Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude."

"You must be an engineer" says the balloonist.

"I am" replies the man. "How did you know."

"Well" says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."

The man below says "You must be a manager."

"I am" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."

____________________

A philosophy professor stood before her class and had some items in front of her. When the class began, silently she picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks. She then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. She shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. She then asked the students again if the jar was full. They again agreed it was.

The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. Now, said the professor, I want you to recognize that this is your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner, your health, your children - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else. The small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical check-ups. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal. Take care of the rocks first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.

But then... A student then took the jar which the other students and the professor agreed was full, and proceeded to pour in a glass of beer. Of course the beer filled the remaining spaces within the jar making the jar truly full. The moral of this tale is that no matter how full your life is, there is always room for BEER.

________________

One night, Tim was walking home when, all of a sudden, a thief jumped on him. Tim and the thief were began to wrestle. They rolled about on the ground and Tim put up a tremendous fight. However, the thief managed to get the better of him and pinned him to the ground. The thief then went through Tim's pockets and searched him. All the thief could find on Tim was 25 cents. The thief was so surprised at this that he asked Tim why he had bothered to fight so hard for a 25 cents. "Was that all you wanted?" Tim replied, "I thought you were after the five hundred dollars I've got in my shoe!"

____________________

Two confirmed bachelors sat talking, their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. "I got a cookbook once," said one, "but I could never do anything with it." "Too much fancy work in it, eh?" asked the other. "You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same
way - 'Take a clean dish."

________________

A lady dropped her handbag in the bustle of holiday shopping. An honest, little boy noticed her drop the handbag, so he picked it up and returned it to her. The lady looked into her handbag and commented, "Hmm... That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills." The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a purse, the owner didn't have any change for a reward."

5 comments to Saturday Evening Humor

  1. says:

    cin2tan In front of the ATM ....I terlupa the pin number !! so i called biniku for the number of our joint-account.
    " who are you !? "
    ' WAT the ....? Is me lah !'
    " How do i know it is u & NOT someone impersonating u ...!? "
    ' WAT !? ....hey, u want the money or NOT ??'
    " NO NO NO...i won't give the number !!"
    ' PLEASE lah !'
    " NO NO NO !!!"
    ' .........!'

    NO choice , i had to cycle back home for 2.5 km under the HOT HOT HOT son...oops, SUN ....groining....oops GROANing & @#$%&$%-ing WHY why why Adam had asked GOD for a maid ...oops (AGAIN) mate !!!???

  1. says:

    espresso tough luck, the lady is sure smart, wasn't easily impressed despite the pleading PLEASE lah ....
    that's a real hilarious sharing, thanxs ...

  1. says:

    masterwordsmith Hi cin2tan and espresso

    Sorry for this late response!!! Have been busy with work, visitors and also attending wake services for friend's dad who passed away.

    By tomorrow, I have to start moderating exam scripts for a trial exam.

    Thanks for sharing and for the smiles. Take care and please keep in touch!

    Will respond to your other comments soon!!!

    Have a great day!

    Cheers

  1. says:

    cin2tan biniku = wife of mine !
    NOW I have initiated a cold-civic war till she repents with apologies; though old Chinese saying : 'the bed-head quarreling ends at bed-tail' ....I prefer to sleep on house-top rather than entering the eye of a needle (?)....!
    (NOW, she IS wanting me to hang up her laundry in the HOT HOT HOT sun ...@#$%^&*...wat choice do I have , SIGHS !)

  1. says:

    espresso ha ha ha for all the yummny meals she has cooked unless you've

    planned to hibernate without food. oh no .. the heat is causing your

    snow shelter to melt, ha ha ha - no where to hide.

Related Posts with Thumbnails
.