Different Strokes for Different Folks

Posted by M ws On Wednesday, August 15, 2012 0 comments
On the Sunday morning of August 5th this year, I wrote a post No Masks Please, We Are Human. at one go with no editing at all. I just poured out how I had been feeling for the past ten months or so. Upon completion of that post, I never read it again until last week when a reader wrote to me about his response to the post. Even when the first commenter for that post shared a response, I only read what Walla wrote, not what I had written. 

Today, I read it for the third time after Grace shared her response. And I read Walla's response again. Once again, I pondered over the questions raised. I judge them not but would never associate  with them again for it is unpleasant to discover one has been fed outrageous lies or being used, or condemned for speaking the truth. At the same time, I know had they been in my position, they would not react the same way for each of us has a different psychological make-up. To me, the deep disappointment of being honest, helpful and kind to others and in return to come face to face with deceit, hypocrisy and lies - it is a damning journey. However, the sum of all those experiences from those people have taught me to be much wiser, stronger and resilient. And I am thankful for that.

Yes, Walla. I did try my best to plant good seeds of understanding and kindness" at every opportunity. Whether or not it bore fruit or was appreciated does not matter to me any more for I have moved on. I don't look back and mope. Neither do I reminisce. The pain was assuaged by facing reality and making the best of life by being thankful that I went through all that. I look back and I feel nothing. No hurt or bitterness - just numbness and nothing. I learnt it is tough to be real in a plastic world where all kinds of masks are worn.

Even if my circle is now very small, I am happy knowing that I am with my beloved family and genuine, sincere, caring and real friends. And that is what is important. We move on. People come into our lives for different reasons and leave when the season is  over.

Indeed Walla is right. When old, we let go and become nonchalant. In many ways, my capacity to feel is not as strong as before. I still feel. But I am very careful about how I feel and for whom I feel. Most importantly, I am at peace within and cherish every moment of living. 

Thanks to Walla for the words of wisdom and sincerity shared and to Grace for her spontaneous and touching response. And thanks to reader A for his very sincere response.

Have a nice day everyone. 


Different Strokes for Different Folks by Walla

It's different strokes for different folks. Even within ourselves as individuals, there is a journey of discovery in which we go through different stages.

When young, we climb the learning curve. When middle-aged, we establish and defend values. When old, we let go and become nonchalant.

What is important is not to yield to cynicism for when one is cynical the process of learning and unlearning slows down.

If we take exception with the behavior and mindset of certain people, we should ask ourselves if they had led our lives instead and faced the same learning curves and experiences, would they be harboring different viewpoints from us? Unless and until we can answer this question decisively, we should suspend judgement on others in much the same way we hope they will suspend their judgement on why we take exception to their traits and ways of communicating their own anxieties.

One important lesson is to see the unspoken context of what is expressed, and also to note the 'quality of the moment' in which expressions are made. Human communication where it impinges on the real world is not just about selections and sounds of words combined with facial expressions and thrust of discussions; it is also about 'where the person is coming from, to wit what drives her.him to make such statements'.

With clarity so delivered, one should not be too worked up over what will pass soon enough anyway, bad or good.

That is a price we all pay for living. Nevertheless, we should try our best to plant good seeds of understanding and kindness every moment we can.

And so ennoble the moments of our lives beyond just things and feelings.

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