masterwordsmith-unplugged

Thanks to Freddie who sent me the following joke which I am posting for laughs. Have a great day!

Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a check-up, only to find out that she's pregnant. She is furious... Here she is in the middle of dealing with this Syrian mess — now this has happened to her!

She calls home, gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming: "You bastard! How could you have let this happen? With all that's going on right now, you go and get me pregnant! How could you? I can't believe this! I've just found out I'm five weeks pregnant and it's all your fault!..............Well, what have you got to say?"

 There is nothing but dead silence on the phone. She screams again, "Did you hear me?"

Finally, she hears Bill's very, very quiet voice, in a barely audible whisper: "Who's Speaking"??? ~~~~~~~~~~~~
A couple was Christmas shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve and the mall was packed. As the wife walked through the mall she was surprised to look up and see her husband was nowhere around. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do. Because she was so worried, she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.

In a calm voice, the husband said, "Honey, you remember the jewelry store we went into about 5 years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford and I told you that I would get it for you one day?"

The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I remember that jewelry store."

He said, "Well, I'm in the bar right next to it."

~~~~~~~~~~~
A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital.

Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him. "I have some good news and some bad news," says the surgeon.

"The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!"

"Oh God no!" cries the man "My golfing is over! Please Doc, what's the good news?"

"The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it's a woman's arm.
I'll need your permission before I go ahead with the transplant."

Go for it doc" says the man. "As long as I can play golf again."

The operation went well and a year later the man was out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon.

"Hi, how's the new arm?" asks the surgeon

"Just great," says the businessman. "I'm playing the best golf of my life. My new arm has a much finer touch and my putting has really improved."

"That's great," said the surgeon.

"Not only that," continued the golfer, "my handwriting has improved, I've learned how to sew my own clothes and I've even taken up painting landscapes in watercolors"

"Unbelievable!" said the surgeon, "I'm so glad to hear the transplant was such a great success. Are you having any side effects?"

"Well, just one problem," said the golfer.......

"Every time I get an erection, I also get a headache."