My Favourite Witty One-Liners

Posted by M ws On Friday, November 16, 2012 0 comments
A conservative is a person who lives in a past that never existed. A liberal prefers a criminal's rights to society's rights. You know you beat a liberal in an arguement when he calls you names. Diplomacy is the art of letting somebody else have your way. Chopped cabbage is not just a good idea, it's the slaw! It was a brave man who ate the first oyster. Everytime I think the world is moving so fast, I go to the post office. Capitalism is the exploitation of man by man and communism is the reverse. Have you noticed that the wrong calls are never busy? Celibacy is not heriditary. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. The difference between men and boys is the price of their toys. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever. If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales? -Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips. Sex is like air, it's not important unless you aren't getting any. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyways. If vegetable oil is made of vegetables, what is baby oil made of? No guts, no glory, no brain, same story. If quiters never win, and winners never cheat, then who is the fool who said "Quit while you're ahead"? If you don't die from it -- it is healthy. If everything is going well, you don't know what the hell is Going on. One good turn gets most of the blankets. It is better to be looked over than overlooked. There are three kinds of people -- those who can count and those who can't. It is not what a teenager knows that bothers his parents, it is how he found out. My homework is like a juicy steak -- rarely done. There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead. Life is sexually transmitted. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. If at first you don't succeed -- give up! No use being a damn fool. Falling in love is awfully simple. Falling out of love is simply awful. No job is so simple that is can't be done wrong. You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever. Only adults have difficulty with childproof bottles. Never assume malice for what stupidity can explain. Common sense isn't. Nobody ever forgets WHERE they buried the hatchet.

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