Sarcastic One-Liners

Posted by M ws On Friday, November 16, 2012 0 comments

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.


Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.


There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.


I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.


Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?


A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.


I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.


Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out.


If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!


Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.


Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way.


If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?


If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.


If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.


Don't look back, they might be gaining on you.


It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.


Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.


Look out for #1. Don't step in #2 either.


Budget: A method for going broke methodically.


Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.


Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.


Do witches run spell checkers?


Demons are a Ghouls best Friend.


Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.


Dain bramaged.


Department of Redundancy Department


Headline: Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh D'Etat!


What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.


Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.


COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key


Buy a Pentium/90 so you can reboot faster.


2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.


Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.


Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.


My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.

Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression


The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.


BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding


The name is Baud......, James Baud.


Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!


As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.


Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)


E Pluribus Modem


... File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)


CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?


Does fuzzy logic tickle?


A computer's attention span is as long as its power cord.


24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence?


Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.


RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.


All computers wait at the same speed.


DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors.


Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....


Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...


ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!


All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?


Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.


Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven.


Hit any user to continue.


Disk Full - Press F1 to belch.


(A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?


Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN.


Programmer - A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversingwith inanimate objects.


Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.



"I left my other vehicle in the broom closet."


Neuter Newt.

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