Unforgettable One-Liners

Posted by M ws On Wednesday, November 28, 2012 0 comments

Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.

I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.

"I am," is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I Do," is the longest sentence?

I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.

I am having an out-of-money experience.

Forget the health foods. I need all the preservatives I can get.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.

Denial is not a river in Egypt.

Age is just a number, and mine is unlisted.

Rugby is a game played by a few gentlemen with odd shaped balls.

Before you meet your handsome prince you may have to kiss a lot of toads.

How can I know what I think until I hear what I say?

Jack and Jill did it for insurance.

Yesterday I could not spell computers and today I are a programmer.

If people actually looked like what they look like in their passport photos very few countries will let them in.

Laugh and people will laugh with you.Snore and you will snore alone.

If superman is so smart why does he wear his underpants over his trousers?

Women's libbers should be put behind bras.

What the world needs is more geniuses with humility and there are so few of us left.

Everytime I think the world is moving so fast, I go to the post office.

Capitalism is the exploitation of man by man and communism is the reverse.

Have you noticed that the wrong calls are never busy?

Celibacy is not heriditary.

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

The difference between men and boys is the price of their toys.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

Sex is like air, it's not important unless you aren't getting any.

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