Self-Defeating Statements and other One-Liners

Posted by M ws On Thursday, December 6, 2012 0 comments

"I think all extremists should be shot."

"I hate all those people who make generalisations"

"I used to be apathetic, but now I just don't care."

"I used to be indecisive, but now I just don't know."

"I've decided that I procrastinate too much, but I'm going to change that in a week or so."

"The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up."

"I used to be conceited, but now I'm perfect."

"Once I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken."

"I'd give my right arm to be ambidexterous."

"Thank God for atheism."

"I'm not conceited. Conceit is a fault and I have no faults."

"I'm not arrogant, I'm just better that you."

A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.

What breakfast cereal had the greatest influence on your life?

If you could save a million starving children by sacrificing one of the major TV networks, would you choose ABC, CBS, or NBC?

If you could change the order of the alphabet, what order would you put the letters in?

Would you rather be stupid or ugly?

Be true to your teeth and they won't false you.

If you had to eat one crayon out of a box of 64, what color would it be?

If you could chose between the body of a 20-year old and the body of a 50 year old, where would you keep it?

Would you accept reincarnation if you knew you would come back as Morton Downey Jr.?

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

Do infants have as much fun in their infancy as adults do in adultery?

How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?

Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...

...Every morning is the dawn of a new error...

For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.

I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.

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