How many of you have been caught in a turmoil when trying to decide between two choices?
In the political sphere, Malaysians have to choose between BN and PR, and many just cannot wait to vote.
However, in life - deciding which is the better option is not as easy as voting.
My son has to choose between whether to continue to work in Kuala Lumpur or to return to Penang.....
I never really knew that the decision-making process would be such a painful and tormentous one for him until he told me why he wrote this song to express musically the dilemma he felt in that decision making process. When he first told me about this song, I was more concerned that he pronounced 'dilemma' correctly haha...
In fact, I did not see things from his perspective and could only tell him all the points from my viewpoint and the benefits he could enjoy e.g. I could do his laundry, take care of him, ensure he had wholesome and healthy meals and start something exciting in Penang with him etc. Honestly, I could not fathom why he could not see and appreciate these 'benefits' until I watched him perform live last night.
When practising at home, Jon just used his violin but last night at Penpac, Jon used lots of effect pedals for this piece which is in full-blown effect from 2:04 of the recording.
And I felt the turmoil. And I realized the deep anguish he must have been feeling all this while.
The spiralling confusion thanks to the wow effects pedal.
The mental pain, torment and his struggle to do what he wants or what his parents want...
I suddenly realized and had a glimpse of his emotional turmoil and how difficult it must be for him to listen to me droning and not acknowledging his longing to realize his dreams in the musical sphere and to hone his skills by playing with other talented musicians in KL rather than in Penang which sadly has quite a sterile musical scene....
I suddenly realized and had a glimpse of his emotional turmoil and how difficult it must be for him to listen to me droning and not acknowledging his longing to realize his dreams in the musical sphere and to hone his skills by playing with other talented musicians in KL rather than in Penang which sadly has quite a sterile musical scene....
Suffice to say it is not easy to be a mother. To love, I guess it means to let go....Yes, it is difficult for him to cope. Yes, it pains me to see him work so hard till he is so skinny...not easy to survive in KL and one has to work hard...And I guess I have to see beyond what a mother sees.
I have to see his world, his dreams - through his eyes....
I have to see his world, his dreams - through his eyes....
It was not easy to let him chase his own dreams in music when I wanted him to do law or accounting but because I love him, I let him pursue what he loves....
And I guess I have to give up asking him to come back to Penang and to respect his decision to stay in KL for now....even though we miss him so much, even though it breaks my heart and makes me cry even when typing this.
So ironical that it took a public performance of my son's composition for this message to hit home.
But I am glad it did.
I am sure many mothers are likely to agree with me that our babies are always our babies no matter how big they are....
Jon, I love you and am very proud of you...Chase your dreams, be happy and do what you know is right...and that may not necessarily be what we want for you....but we love you the same regardless!!!!
Here is Beat in the Street performing "Stalemate" composed by Jon....
Do check out Pulsating Passion Personified if you have time.Thanks!
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