Monday Laughs

Posted by M ws On Monday, April 15, 2013 0 comments


Messin' with the Nurse.....

I am a sick old man. I was sick and in the hospital. There was one nurse that just drove me crazy.
Every time she came in, she would talk to me like I was a little child.

 She would say in a patronizing tone of voice, 'And how are we doing this morning?'

Or 'Are we ready for a bath?', or 'Are we hungry?'

I had had enough of this particular nurse.

One day, at breakfast, I took the apple juice off the tray and put it in my bed side stand.

Later, I was given a urine bottle to fill for testing.

 So you know where the juice went!

The nurse came in a little later, picked up the urine bottle and looked at it.

'My, it seems we are a little cloudy today. '

At this, I snatched the bottle out of her hand, popped off the top, and drank it down, saying, 'Well, I'll run it through again. Maybe I can filter it better this time.'

The nurse fainted..........

I just smiled.

DON'T MESS WITH 'OLD' PEOPLE

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A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away.

The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150."

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man called Jesus Christ died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

*No offense meant to any Christian reading this joke. Posted strictly for laughs.
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Men do remember anniversaries

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.
She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night?'

The husband looks up from his coffee, 'I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?' he says solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.

'Yes, I do' she replies.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.

'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?'

'Yes, I remember!' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'

'I remember that too' she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says...

'I would have been released today.'

*Thanks to Mr Tio who sent me these jokes.
______________________________


It is said that Husband is the head of the family,

But

Remember that wife is the Neck of the family.

And, the Neck can turn the Head exactly the way she wants.

_______________________________


Possible Reasons When A Man Opens a car door for wife

1) The Car Is New.
2) The Wife Is New
3) (Most Imp) She Is Not His Wife


________________________________

Three FASTEST means of Communication :
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.


A man got two wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman.

The next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.

Moral : BE SPECIFIC

Have a great week ahead!







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