Marital Humour

Posted by M ws On Monday, May 27, 2013 0 comments
Husband asks: Do u know the meaning of wife?
‘Without Infomation Fighting Everytime’.
Wife on hearing replies, It also means ‘With Idiot For Ever’.

___________________________

Her husband had been slipping in and out for a coma for several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day.
When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he said, “You know what?
You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business fell, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you gave me support.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side.”

She just smiled and held his hand.

He then continued, saying “When I think about it now, I think you bring me bad luck.”


________________________

Wife: Why do you wear your specs only when I come in.
Husband: The doctor has ordered me to wear my specs whenever I get an headache.

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Wife hit her husband with frying pan.
Husband: What was that for…?
Wife: I found a paper in your pocket
with the name Jenny on it.
Husband: I took part in a race last week
and Jenny was the name of my horse.
Wife: Sorry..!
Next day wife hit him with the frying pan again
Husband: What now..?
Wife: Your horse is on the Phone.

____________________________

At the beginning of any relationship.
Every girls treats her boyfriend as “GOD”.
Later on, some how the alphabets get reversed !

______________________

A drunk man arrives late at home…. He knows his wife won’t open the door, so he decides to pretend that he bought her flowers and knocks the door…

Wife: Who is it?

Drunk Husband: I bring flowers for the pretty lady…

Wife opens the door and says… Where are the flowers…

Drunk Husband: Where is the pretty lady ?

__________________________
He left home about 8:30 a.m. to play golf with his friends.

On the way out the door, he answered his wife’s “what time will you be home?” question with “probably about 1:30, I’ll have lunch at the club.” 1:30 came and went, 3:00 passed, 6:15, still not home.

Finally at about 11:45p.m. he rolls in the driveway, leaves his clubs in the garage, and presents his wife with a pizza, and begins the apologetic story.

We finished our game about 11:30, had lunch, and I started home, when along side the road I saw this attractive girl with a flat tire on her car.

I stopped to help, got the tire changed, and looked around for a place to wash my hands.

She offered money, but I refused, so she suggested that I at least allow her to buy me a beer.

She said there’s a tavern just up the road, and they have a restroom, you can clean up a bit.

I agreed to stop, we had a beer, then another beer, then a couple more, and I realized that this girl was not only pretty, she was very friendly, and a good companion to spend time with.

Before I knew it, we were in the motel next door having s*x.

And that is why I am so late getting home.

His wife looked him in the eye and said, “Don’t bullshit me, you played 36 holes, didn’t you?”

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