Ah Beng, Ah Lian, Ah Chek and Ah Soh Humour

Posted by M ws On Wednesday, October 2, 2013 4 comments
Ok. I confess. I have been under SEVERE STRESSSSSS!!! PMR exams began this morning. It was only at the end of Sept that I realized PMR would begin on Oct 2nd. The truth of the matter - I am guilt-ridden as I have not done anything for Nick except to love him and to ask how he feels now and then. I have not taught him anything in English nor did I ask him to write an essay or do anything. Just told him - try your best and if you need anything, to give me a shout. And now, my shoulder muscles are all constricted etc etc. Hence, my blog has been rather quiet the past few days. Anyway, I just hope and pray God will guide and bless him. For those of you with kids/siblings/friends doing the PMR, I wish you guys all the best.

Here's a list of Ah Beng, Ah Lian, Ah Chik and Ah Soh jokes I compiled just for laughs. Some are oldies but it does not matter as long as we can smile and keep our spirits high!

Have a great day!!!

Pssst! The next post will also be on Ah Beng Ah Lian! Don't miss it! Coming up in the afternoon!
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Why is lightning faster than thunder ?
Ah Beng and Ah Lian were on the beach on a stormy night. There were lightning and thunder all over the place.

Ah Lian asked Ah Beng, “Why is it we always see the lightning before we hear the thunder ?

Ah Beng replied, “Ai yah. So simple also you don’t know. Because our eyes are in front of our ears, mah ???”

Ah Beng’s Theory on English Spelling
Aoccdrnig to Ah Beng's theory on Enlgish, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.

I think all of us can understand what Ah Beng wrote above. So he must be right. So Ah Beng can be quite clever after all.

Ordering food at an Italian Restaurant
To impress Ah Lian, Ah Beng took her to a very expensive Italian restaurant. After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu but could not understand anything as it was all in Italian. Still wanting to impress Ah Lian, he went down the list in the menu and decided to pick the last item.

Ah Beng confidently told the waiter "We'll have the last item, Giuseppe Spomdalucci,".

The waiter replied, "I am sorry, Sir, that’s the name of the owner."
_____________________

Miss Singapore

One of the main reasons why in recent years the Singapore Government has always ensured that their Miss Universe representative were of tertiary level education or higher was because of the following incident which occurred not too many years ago. It is the final round of the Miss Universe Pageant and the 3 finalists, Miss USA, Miss Malaysia and Miss Singapore are being asked 3 simple questions:

MC: The first question is name me an electrical appliance starting with "L"

Miss USA: Lamp

Miss Malaysia: Light bulb

Miss Singapore: LADIO

Judge: No, no, Radio does not start with the letter "L"

MC: I am going to give you 2 more chances; The next question is name me an animal starting with the letter "L"

Miss USA: Lion

Miss Malaysia: Leopard

Miss Singapore: LABBIT

Judge: No, no, no, Rabbit does not start with the letter "L"

MC: I am going to give you one last chance, if you answer this question
incorrectly, you are disqualified.

Name me a fruit starting with the letter "L"

Miss USA: Lemon

Miss Malaysia: Lychee

Miss Singapore, with full of confidence, smiles and says: LIEWLIAN !

This is not the end of the story, the Judge consulted the board of judges to determine if Miss Singapore should really disqualified; and they decided that since Miss Singapore was having as many problems with the letter "L", the decided to give her another chance.

Judge: OK, the final question is name me a human anatomy starting with the letter "L"

Miss USA: Lung (applause)

Miss Malaysia: Liver (even more applause)

Miss Singapore: LAN CHEOW !

Judge: ?????????!!!!
____________________________

Ah Soh Jokes

Ah Soh wants to buy a TV set. She goes to a shop.

Ah Soh : "Do you have color TV ?"

Salesgirl : "Yes !"

Ah Soh : "Give me a green one, please "

**************

Ah Soh is filling up an application form for a job.

She supplied the information for the columns on Name, Age, Address etc.

Then she comes to column on "Salary Expected"

She is not sure of the question.

After much thought, she writes " Yes "

**************

Ah Soh goes to a store and sees a shiny object.

Ah Soh : "What is that shiny object ?"

Salesgirl : "That is a thermos flask."

Ah Soh : "What does it do ?"

Salesgirl : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"

Ah Soh : "I'll buy it"

The next day, Ah Soh goes to work with her thermo flask

Boss : "What is that shiny object ?"

Ah Soh : "It's a thermos flask."

Boss : "What does it do?"

Ah Soh : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"

Boss : "What do you have in it! ?"

Ah Soh : "Two cups of coffee and a coke"
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More Ah Beng Jokes

In a shop one day..
Ah Lian: Eh Ah Chek, you got sell stocking up to knee, boh?
Ah Chek : Lyou siao ah! (You crazy?) Stocking wear up to ‘yeo’ (waist) only, where got up to the ‘nee’ (breast) one.
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Ah Beng bought a Honda VTI recently and drove to Ah Lian’s place to show it to her. So there Ah Beng was bragging the various functions of his new car to his girlfriend.
Ah Beng: This is ah, so fast even the Mata Chia cannot catch ah!
Ah Lian: Ha! Really ah!!! Steady lah!

Ah Beng: Some more hor, this is Automatic one, vely easy to drive!
Ah Lian: Let me try! I wan, I wan!!

So Ah Lian took the driver’s seat and shifted the gear and floored the accelerator.
The next moment, the car sped backwards and crashed into the lamp-post.

Ah Beng: Alamak! (Oh My God!) What you doing? YOU Siao Char Bo! (YOU mad lady!) YOU see lah! Wah Piang eh!
Ah Lian: Solee, solee, pai sah lah! (Sorry, Sorry, embarrassing!) No lah, I thought hor, R for racing mah!

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The Titanic was sinking, and there weren’t enough lifeboats.So the captain had to persuade male passengers to jump into the icy waters to make room for women and children.

To the British he said. “You must act like gentlemen.” They jumped.

To the Americans he said, “You can be heroes.” They complied.

To the Germans he said, “It’s the rule.” They obeyed.

To the Japanese he said,” It’s the consensus.” They obliged.

Then came the Singaporean and they just weren’t budging until he came up with the appeal: “Free life jackets for those who jumped.”

_____________________

Three recruits are at the army supply base to collect underwear. The sergeant was there to aid the supplies.

Sergeant: Hei Ah Beng! How many underwear you need ah?
Ah Beng thinks a while: 7 Sasen (sergeant)!
Sergeant: (puzzled) How come so many?
Ah! Beng: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat & Sun. One day one.

Sergeant : Eh Mat! How many underwear?
Mat: (without hesitation) 6 sargen!
Sergeant: (curious) How come six?
Mat: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Sat & Sun. Friday I wear sarong.

Sergeant:  Hey.. How many underwear?
Young man (very confidently) 12 Sarjen !!!!
Sergeant: (shocked & fell to the ground) Why do you need so many for?
Young man: January, February, March…..One month one.
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Once upon a time, a group of Ah Bengs stepped into a lounge and wanted the DJ to play the song “Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti” (In Hokkien means Ah Cheng buys Bread)

The DJ told them that they only have English songs and told themn to re-select another song. The Ah Bengs were very angry and kicked up a big fuss, claiming the DJ was insulting them. The manager had to intervene in order to calm them down.

Finally, after long talk with Ah Bengs, the manager found out that Ah Bengs actually asking for the song “Unchained Melody” by the Righteous Brothers.
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One day, two Ah Lians got into a lift from the 20th storey and want to get down to the ground floor. As they looked at the dial, they could see the number 20 down to number 2. It was then followed by a G. As they not English-educated, they were puzzled and had no idea what does the letter G mean.

Suddenly one of them exclaimed excitedly and hit G. When they finally reached the ground floor, the other Ah Lian was so impressed and asked the first Ah Lian, “Wah low!!!, how you know one ?”

The first Ah Lian reply smugly, “Easy lah.. G for Gero mah…"

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Have a great day!

4 comments to Ah Beng, Ah Lian, Ah Chek and Ah Soh Humour

  1. says:

    Gem So good to laugh wan all these jokes. I so enjoy till my stomach pain from laughing hor. All come from Singapore wan, yes or not? Must post some more fast fast leh.

  1. says:

    mike scorpion Hi Master. Has been a silent reader of your blog.Thanks for all the good jokes and post. Some have made their way into Uncle Lee's blog. Mike signing off.

  1. says:

    M ws Dear Gem

    Thank you so much for such an in-character kind of response LOL!!

    Take care and catch up with you soon!

    God bless!

    Best wishes

  1. says:

    M ws Dear Mike Scorpion

    Greetings!

    Thank you so much for your delightful comment and for reading my blog.

    It is a pleasure to share...

    My deepest apologies for this late response. I am quite forgetful and sometimes I log in, meaning to respond but then get absorbed in reading and then forget.

    Thank you also for the update re Uncle Lee's blog. He is a much respected blogger and I salute him for his passion, diligence and quest for excellence and detail in his postings.

    Take care and please keep in touch!

    God bless.

    Best wishes

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