More Ah Beng Humour and The Tale of Two Birdies

Posted by M ws On Wednesday, October 2, 2013 0 comments
Ah Beng has a problem. So, one day, he went to see a Psychologist Loctar, Loctar Lichard..

Ah Beng: Doc I got a real problem, I can’t stop thinking about sex leh.

Loctar Lichar: Well let’s see what we can find out.

Loctar Lichard pulls out his ink blots and showed it to Ah Beng..

Loctar Lichard: What is this a picture of?

Ah Beng: *turns the picture upside down then turns it around* That’s a man and a woman on a bed making love lor.

Loctar Lichard: Very interesting *proceeds to shows the next picture* And what is this a picture of?

Ah Beng: *looks and turns it in different directions* That’s a man and a woman on a bed making love lar.

Loctar Lichard: *tries again with the third ink blot* What is this a picture of?

Ah Beng: *again turns it in all directions* Aiyoo.. Loctar.. That’s a man and a woman on a bed making love lar.

Loctar Lichard: Well, yes, you do seem to be obsessed with sex.

Ah Beng: Me???? You’re the one who keeps showing me the dirty pictures leh, Loctor!!

_____________________
A long time ago, Ah Beng found himself as a sailor on board an ang-mor explorer's ship.

One day, in the crow's nest, he spotted an uncharted island. He quickly scurried down, and knocked on the captain's door.

"Eh, Captain!" he said eagerly. "There got new island, leh! What should we call it?"

However, the Captain was at the time making love to a woman passenger, who was in the throes of passion.

Ah Beng heard the woman wail to the Captain, "Put it in, dear! In, dear! In, dear!"

And thus, India got its name.

Ah Beng later found himself serving on-board Christopher Columbus' ships.

One day, the crew spotted a new continent. Ah Beng was below decks, when Columbus summoned the crew on deck.

As Columbus asked, "What shall we name this new world?", Ah Beng scrambled up and said in Cantonese, "Hai mee-eh leh ka?" ("What's happening?")

And thus, America got its name.

_____________________

Ah Beng arrived at the Penang airport and got up a taxi. The taxi driver  asked Ah Beng, “Where do you want to go. ?” Ah Beng replied, “The Yeem-ka"  hotel ”. The taxi driver replied , “It must be a new one. I have not heard of it. But if you give me the address, I will be  able to find it”.   So they left and circled the place for one hour but could not find the hotel. So the taxi driver asked Ah Beng , “Are you sure the hotel is here ? Ah Beng replied, “I am sure. It is even printed in the brochure”.

What hotel was Ah Beng looking for ?

Answer : YMCA
___________________

And now, my favourite...The Tale of Two Birdies

Once upon a time, there was a king who had a daughter of marriageable age. As he was very fond of his daughter and he didn't want her to leave him, he made an impossible offer to his kingdom's men. He announced that whoever has two pricks would be eligible to marry his daughter. The invitation spread
far and wide. Of course no one came forth, and the king was secretly pleased.

In another part of the kingdom, there were 2 woodcutter brothers, Jack & Jim. One day, they chanced upon a very big tree and decided to chop it down for it would fetch them a decent amount of money if sold as firewood.

As they were about to chop it down with their sharp axes, a voice cried out, "STOP! Please don't hurt me ! " The brothers were scared shitless when suddenly an apparition appeared from out of the tree. He told them that he was the genie of the tree and if they would to spare him, he would grant them a wish each.

Remembering the king's offer of his daughter as bride, the brothers each wished for a second prick. The genie said "Your wish is granted. Now... what you have wished for will fall down from the sky. You must catch it promptly with your hands and attach it to where you want it to be !"

Jack was the first one to receive his wish. As the prick was falling down from the sky, he swiftly caught it with his hands and attached it right next to where his own prick is.

Now, Jim was the clumsy one. As his second prick was hurling down , he missed and it landed right on his
forehead !!!

Jack, being the cool one, told Jim that it was alright and they should proceed to the palace to seek the princess's hand in marriage. After all, the king did say 2 pricks. Jim, not wanting to expose what he had on his forehead, took a long piece of cloth and wound it round his head like a turban to hide it.

It was 2 days later when they reached the palace. The king was summoned and he asked Jack to show him his 2 pricks. Jack took off his pants and proudly showed it off to him. The king sighed in dismay and resignation and also called on Jim to show him his 2 pricks.

Embarrassed, Jim took off his pants and unwound his turban to reveal what's on his forehead. The king then yelled in disgust, "NI NA B EH ! YOU THIS TYPE OF LAN CHEOW BIN WANT TO MARRY MY DAUGHTER AH ???!!!???? "


And so the term "Lan Cheow Bin" was coined.

*Posted for laughs.


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