I'm starting to take this drink driving thing seriously now. Left the car in the pub car park last night and took the bus home. Quite proud of myself really. I've never driven a bus before.
Seen in an advertisement: Bradford City announced that cup final ticket prices would start at 60 rupees each and were limited to 40 per household. @_@
Here's an oldie:
Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their hand guns down through the family.
An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, Guido, I wan' you lissin ame. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated..38 revolver so you will always remember me."
"But grandpa, I really don't like guns..how about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"
"You lissin ame, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lots a money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos."
"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with anotherr man.
"Whatta you gonna do then? Point at you watch and say, 'times up'"?
Two Irishmen looking through a mail order catalogue.
Paddy says "Look at these gorgeous women! The prices are reasonable too."
Mick agrees "I'm ordering one right now"
3 weeks later Paddy says to Mick "Has your woman turned up yet?"
"No" said Mick "but it shouldn't be long now though. Her clothes arrived yesterday!!
I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.
The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking on various topics.
Finally I thought about an age old question:
Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Women believe that giving birth must be way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.
Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion.
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "it might be nice to have another child."
On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."
I rest my case.
Time for another beer.
What deep thinkers we men are...
Posted for laughs with no intention to offend anyone! :-)
Have a great day!