masterwordsmith-unplugged

Once upon a time, lived a man named Roger and a woman named Jenny. At 85 years of age, Roger married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old. Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.

After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Roger, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one.

All goes well, Roger takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep. After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Roger, Again he is ready for more "action".

Somewhat surprised, Jenny consents for more coupling. When the newly weds are done, Roger kisses his bride, bids her a fond "good night" and leaves.

She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it - Roger IS back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more "action".

And, once more they enjoy each other. But as Roger gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, "I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Roger."

Roger, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says: "You mean I was here already?"

The moral of the story: Don't be afraid of getting old, Alzheimer's has its advantages.
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REASONS TO LAUGH

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She hit me.

How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail... but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Darn...that was fun!"

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping..." Now I just "chunky dunk."

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?

Bumper sticker of the year: "If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier!!"

Wouldn't you know it... Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.
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Specially for reader and friend Stephen who keeps requesting for feeelthy pics in my blog LOL:




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What's the best form of birth control after 50?
Nudity

What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
45 lbs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 minutes.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
Bingo machine.

What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

Why did God create alcohol?
So ugly people could have sex, too.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.

What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time."
A Southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this crap."
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A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down, and his fly wide open. A lady cashier walked up to him and said, "Your barracks door is open." This is not a phrase men normally use, so he went on his way looking a bit puzzled. When he was about done shopping, a man came up and said, "Your fly is open."

He zipped up and finished his shopping, and remembering what the cashier had told him, finally understood. He then intentionally got in the line to check out where the lady was that told him about his "barracks door."

He was planning to have a little fun with her. When he reached her counter he said, "When you saw my barracks door open did you see a soldier standing in there at attention?" The lady thought for a moment and said, "No, no I didn't. All I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags."

* just for laughs and not to offend anyone!
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Why It's So Great To Be A Guy

Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.

You can go to the bathroom without a support group.

You can leave the motel bed unmade.

You can kill your own food.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.

If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You don't have to clean if the meter reader is coming.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me."

Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.

Wedding dress - $2,000. Tuxedo rental - 75 bucks.

You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.

If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.

Your pals will never trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"

You know which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You don't have to shave below your neck.

One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

Gas (at either end) is cool.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

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What happens when blondes buy deodorants?

A blonde goes to a store's deodorant display and tells the clerk,

"I need to buy some deodorant for my husband."

"Does he use the ball kind?" inquired the clerk.

"No," replied the blonde, "The kind for under his arms."
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A woman goes into a restaurant in a small southern town out in the country. She orders the fried chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast, she chokes on a chicken bone.

Well, these two country boys in the next booth notice she is choking, and they get up and go over to help her. The first country boy drops his coveralls and bends over, and the second country boy starts licking his butt.

She pukes all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat. The country boy pulls his coveralls back up and says to the other excitedly, "You're right Billy Bob, that Hind-Lick Maneuver works like a charm."
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Have a great week!