masterwordsmith-unplugged

Due to the current economic crisis, Greece is cancelling all production of
humus and Taramasalata. It's a double dip recession.
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A dwarf goes to a very good but very busy doctor and asks "I know you are
busy but do you treat dwarves?"

The doctor replies "Yes, but you will have to be a little patient".
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Jonathan Ross has been accused of shoplifting a kitchen utensil from Tesco.
Ross says it was a whisk he was prepared to take.

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Paddy & Mick stagger out of the zoo with blood pouring from them..

"Bollocks to that" said Paddy "That's the last time I go dancing with the wolves"
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Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on Friday this year". Mick said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th then."
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Since the snow came, all the wife has done is look through the window.  If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.
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I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper.  To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.
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A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt ..
Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Rocher.......
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Just A Reminder to those who stole Electrical Goods in Last Year's Riots......
Your One Year Manufacturer's Warranty Runs Out Soon.
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In the first few days of the Olympics, eastern Europeans took gold, silver, bronze, copper & lead.
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Sailing results are in:  USA took gold, GB took silver and Somalia took a Middle aged couple from Weymouth .
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A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?'
Granny replies, bugger the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!
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A woman standing nude in front of a mirror says to her husband: 'I look horrible, I feel fat and ugly, pay me a compliment.'  He replies, 'Your eyesight is perfect.'
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An elderly couple are in church.  About halfway through the service, the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart;
what do you think I should do?'

He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.'


Thanks to Angela for sharing this post.