masterwordsmith-unplugged

by SUE ATKINS

Do you want more attention, more respect, more help with the kids, more hugs, more romance, more surprises, more time together, more intimacy, and more fun? Someone to babysit, iron the shirts, help make the dinner sometimes or hang up the towels in the bathroom?

Then ask.

“But I shouldn’t have to ask” is the refrain I’ve heard many, many times on workshops and when I’m coaching.

But this is a false belief.

It’s also a false belief that causes untold pain, suffering, anger and despair for many couples because unless you are living with a mind reader your partner won’t know what you want unless you ask!

It’s that simple!

It doesn’t mean your partner doesn’t love you – they just have their own map of the world and their own way of thinking and experiencing the world - and it just means they haven’t fully developed their psychic powers enough yet!

Just like the genie in the lamp couldn’t grant you any of your wishes if you didn’t tell him what they were, your partner can’t try to guess either.

Your partner can’t fulfil your wishes, dreams or needs if they don’t know what they are!

So tell them.

Men really are from Mars and women are from Venus if you don’t spell out what you want.

“If you really loved me, I wouldn’t have to ask” is just not true.

It is entirely possible that your partner loves you to bits but their idea of a good night out is a beer and a curry and yours is champagne and smoked salmon.

So be specific. Give your partner a chance to respond in the way you’d like them to and don’t expect them to be a mind reader. If you want a picnic by the sea – ask for it. If you want to go horse racing – ask for it.

Don’t nag, whine, complain or criticise – just simply, pleasantly, cheerfully and respectfully ask – don’t tell, don’t boss, don’t demand and don’t shout…… just ask and let the magic and fun begin !

Sue Atkins is a Parent Coach, former Deputy Head with 22 years teaching experience, mother to two teenage children and is an NLP Master Practitioner and Trainer trained by Paul McKenna. She has written many books on self esteem, toddlers and teenagers and has a collection of Parenting Made Easy Toolkits available from her website. She is also the author of "Raising Happy Children for Dummies" one in the black and yellow series published worldwide. To receive her free newsletter bursting with practical tips and helpful advice from toddler to teen log onto positive-parents.com.

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