MOTHER'S DAY JOKES
When Tyler had a new sister, he became jealous of the attention she was getting. One day while his mother was nursing the baby, Tyler was getting adamant about being on mom's lap. Mom wasn't able to deal with both children at that time and told Tyler to go wait for her. He then asked his mom: "Mommy, can you please put Tara back in your tummy now?"
A Sunday school teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied: "They couldn't get a baby-sitter."
A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. "What are you doing?" his mother asked. "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal."
Can people predict the future with cards?
My mother can.
Really?
Yes, she takes one look at my report card and tells me what will happen when my father gets home.
"Mom, when I grow up will I be your mom?"
My mom had been getting on my little sisters about not picking up their clothes. I was sitting in my room, and heard my mom say, "Who left all this underwear all over the floor?" As innocently as an angel, my sister Anne replied, "The Pantie Fairy came and left us presents!"
After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard her three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was 'that'?"
A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
Likely Mother (to son wandering around the room): "What are you looking for?"
Son: "Nothing." Mother: "You'll find it in the box where the candy was."
We Have New Babies
For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.
One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.
The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"
Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"
My Teacher is Thankful
Son: “Mom, teacher was asking me today, if I have any brothers or sisters who will be coming to school.”
Mom: “That’s nice of her to take such an interest in you. So what did she say when you told her that you’re the only child, my dear?”
Son: “She just said…“Thank goodness!”
It's Time to go to School
One early morning, a lady went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!" Son: "But why Mom? I don't want to go."
Mom: "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
Son: "Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
Mom: "Oh, that's no reason to not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
Son: "Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
Mom: "Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"
Noisy neighbors
A student at an English university, by name of Donald MacDonald - from the Isle of Skye, was living in the hall of residence, in his first year there. After he had been there for a month, his mother came to visit him, carrying reinforcements of oatmeal.
"And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked.
"Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible noisy people! The one on that side keeps banging his head against the wall, and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams and screams away into the night!"
Oh Donald! How ever do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbors?"
"Mother, I do nothing, I just ignore them! I just stay here quietly playing my bagpipes!"
Funny Sayings for Mother's Day
* "The worst feature of a new baby is its mother's singing." - Kin Hubbard
* "You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom." - Captain Penny
* "My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh." - Bob Monkhouse
* "If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?" - Milton Berle
* "Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young." - Anonymous
* "Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said." - Anonymous
* "Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up." - Anonymous
* "If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning." - Aristotle Onassis
* "Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?" - Rita Rudner
* "When women go wrong, men go right after them." - Mae West.
* "An archaeologist is best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her." -Agatha Christie
* "Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult." - Charlotte Whitton.
* "A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. That's because she changes it more often." - Oliver Hereford
* "What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce." - Mark Twain.
* "Last week I stated that this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement." - Mark Twain.
* "Despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, I have not yet been able to answer the great question that has never been answered: What does a woman want?" -Sigmund Freud
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Since it is Mother's Day, I have posted many posts today to honor mothers, grandmothers, soon-to-be-mothers and those who want/waiting to be mothers...Don't miss the earlier posts including:
1. An Original One - Happy Mother's Day - featuring Eddie's original composition.
2. A Tribute to Mothers for Mother's Day
3. A Mother Like No Other
4. The Invisible Mom
5. In Celebration of Mothers
and also other posts in my other blog at Masterwordsmith@Writers.Inc.
Please check them out if you are free. Thanks. Have a lovely evening...
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