masterwordsmith-unplugged

A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.

To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - and directly between his ball and the green.

After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree."

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.

The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only three feet tall."
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A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee".

The husband said, " You are in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No you should do it, and besides it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, " I can't believe that, show me."

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and shows him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says:

"HEBREWS"

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MEAN PICK-UP LINES

You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.

Man - Excuse me, want to dance?
Woman - No.
Man - Maybe you didn't hear me ... I said you look really fat in those pants!

I love the way you move...like butter on a bald monkey.

Do you work for UPS? 'Cause I swear I saw you checking out my package!

You're ugly but you intrigue me.

No, I'm not a cop. What can I get for fifty bucks?

Man - Fat Penguin !
Woman - WHAT?
Man - I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.

I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good

Man - Do you like to dance?
Woman - Yes !
Man - Well then, could you go dance so I can talk to your friend?
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ROMANTIC PICK-UP LINES

Tell me something, girl. Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven?

Your name must be cheerios...cuz you seem healthy for my heart.

Girl are you tired, cuz youve been running through my mind all day

Is your dad in jail? Cuz he stole the stars and put them in your eyes.

I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you?

Hey baby, You must be from Tennesee........cause your the only Ten-I-See

Excuse me miss, are you a Hostess? Because you've got some sweet cakes!!

You Dropped something , "My jaw"
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CLEVER PICK-UP LINES

I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock.

I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.

Your body's name must be Visa, because it's everywhere I want to be.

Let's do breakfast tomorrow. Should I call you or nudge you?

Yo Baby, you be my Dairy Queen, I'll be your Burger King, you treat me right, and I'll do it your way.

Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's.

You with those curves, and me with no brakes ...

Aw, girl, I'm gonna have to put you on my "To Do" List!

Save a horse -- ride a cowboy.

Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart.

If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.

What do you say we go back to my crib and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply

Your place or mine? Tell you what? I'll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours

Love is a sensation, caused by a temptation, to feel penetration. a guy sticks his location in a girl's destination, to increase the population for the next generation, did you get my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?

I have a six inch tongue and I can breath through my ears

My boys over there bet that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful girl in the room. Want to buy some drinks with their money?
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Patient: Doctor! Doctor! Everyone keeps on copying me!
Doctor: Doctor! Doctor! Everyone keeps on copying me!


Did you hear about the new French tank?
Yeah, It has 14 gears. 13 go in reverse, and one goes forward in case the enemy attacks from behind.

Where does the one legged waitress work?
The I-hop


What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
Damn

Have a nice day!!! Keep smiling! :-)