masterwordsmith-unplugged

It was election time and a politician decided to go out to the local reservation and try to get the Native American vote. They were all assembled in the Council Hall to hear the speech. The politician had worked up to his finale, and the crowd was getting more and more excited. "I promise better education opportunities for Native Americans!"

The crowd went wild, shouting "Hoya! Hoya!" The politician was a bit puzzled by the native word, but was encouraged by their enthusiasm. "I promise gambling reforms to allow a Casino on the Reservation!"

"Hoya! Hoya!" cried the crowd, stomping their feet.

"I promise more social reforms and job opportunities for Native Americans!" The crowd reached a frenzied pitch shouting "Hoya! Hoya! Hoya!"

After the speech, the Politician was touring the Reservation, and saw a tremendous herd of cattle. Since he was raised on a ranch, and knew a bit about cattle, he asked the Chief if he could get closer to take a look at the cattle.

"Sure," the Chief said, "but be careful not to step in the hoya."

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An American, Japanese and a Nigerian were boasting about how effective the electoral processes in their countries were better than one another. The American was the first to speak. He said elections in his country were so perfect that results were announced in less than 24hours.

The Japanese laughed at the American and said results in his country were announced less than 12 hours after the election.

Not wanting to be rubbished, the Nigerian laughed at the American and Japanese and enthused "results are announced in my country even before the election".

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Two crocodiles that haven't seen each other for a while run into each other in the Ottawa river.

One says to the other you're looking pretty skinny, what are you eating?

There's not much to eat but politicians, and once you shake the sh** out of them, all there is left is a briefcase and an ***hole.

*Posted for laughs and not to insult anyone.

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There was this International Conference on Taxation held in a European Country. The nature of the conference was international sharing of taxation ideas.

To make the story short, The French representative said "Everyone in this room should adopt my Country’s taxation system, because in my country we tax our people from child birth to death."

The Conference room exploded in a big applause, because that system will provide great revenue to the country.

But, the Swiss representative stood and said, "That is nothing. Because, in my country we tax our people from womb to tomb! The whole room was clapping louder than before.

An excited Australian, jumped up and said "That is nothing compared to down under, we tax our people from sperm to germ!!

With this, the whole room was in standing ovation and clapping. Several representatives from Europe suggested that it be adopted in every nation.

But then, the American representative, shouted, Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! Here me out first, before you adopt anything. Then, the American said. That is nothing compared in America, in America we tax our people from Erection to Resurrection!

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Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Congress has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early retirement.

This scheme will be known as R.A.P.E. (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be in the R.A.P.E. scheme can apply to Congress to be considered for the S.H.A.F.T. program (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been in the R.A.P.E. and S.H.A.F.T.E. will be reviewed under the S.C.R.E.W. program (Scheme Covering Retired-Early Workers).

A person may be R.A.P.E.d once, S.H.A.F.T.E.d. twice and S.C.R.E.W.E.d as many times as Congress deems appropriate.

Persons who have been in R.A.P.E. could get A.I.D.S. (Additional Income for Dependants and Spouse) or H.E.R.P.E.S. (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have A.I.D.S. or H.E.R.P.E.S. will not be placed in the S.H.A.F.T. or S.C.R.E.W. programs again by Congress.

Persons who are not in R.A.P.E. and are staying on will receive as much S.H.I.T. (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Congress has always prided themselves on the amount of S.H.I.T. they give our citizens.

Should you feel that you do not receive enough S.H.I.T., please bring this to the attention of your Congressman, who has been trained to give you all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Sincerely,

The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)

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-Author Unknown-

All these jokes have been posted just for laughs and also as a grim reminder of the state of affairs we face in our own backyard. Pardon my cynicism.

Keep smiling and have a pleasant evening!