Holiday Humour

Posted by M ws On Sunday, August 19, 2012 0 comments
A family was supposed to stay the night at a hotel, but there was a screw-up with the rooms,
so Grandpa had to sleep in the same bed as the 15-year old grandson.

In the middle of the night Grandpa woke up and shouted: “Quick! Get me a woman, Fast!!”

The grandson moaned: “Please, Grandpa, calm down. First, it’s three o’clock in the morning, and you’ll never find a woman at this hour.

Second, you’re 82 years old, and third, that’s MY D**k you’re holding...not yours.”

*Thanks to Angela who sent me this grandpa joke which I posted for laughs with no intention to offend anyone.

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"Ever notice the older we get, the more we're like computers? We start out with lots of memory and drive, then we become outdated and eventually have to get our parts replaced."

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Two elderly women were eating at a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, "Mabel, did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?"
Mabel answered, "I have? A suppository?" She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing.Now I think I know where my hearing aid is."

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I hope the following situation does not happen when Angela and I are chatting. :-) There have been many occasions when we were talking and then a phone call breaks the conversation. When we try to pick up the conversation later, there have been times when we cannot remember what we had been talking about and then we try to backtrack. :-)

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me.....I know we've been friends for a long time but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend stared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared.

Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

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I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff. :-)

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A 104 year-old woman was being interviewed by a reporter.

"And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.

"No peer pressure." she responded.

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There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory, the other two I forget.:-)

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As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful."
 
"Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"    

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